Buying Gifts, Being Present and Losing My Car in the Parking Lot

It happened. AGAIN.

Recently I rushed into a local store to grab one more gift, which I found quickly. “YES!” I thought as I ran out the door, ready to jump in my car and head to the office. Then it happened. Again.

I realized I had been so focused on maximizing my time and locating this last item, that I had completely forgotten where I parked! Yeah, it sounds funny. Come June I may be able to laugh about it, but as I aimlessly wandered the parking lot, it was a windy 25-degree day. Not. Fun.

Between my momentary panic and the chill, at least I was wide awake! (I figured that was a plus.)

Here’s what I learned, or I should say, remembered. As much as we all want to enjoy the holidays, we miss out when we’re not fully present. As I reached my car and started to drive away, I wondered who did I miss seeing because I was so preoccupied? Did I walk past an old friend or neighbor and miss my chance to offer a holiday hug? I know I missed fully connecting with the salesperson who cheerfully helped me. Then I began to wonder if, in my haste to check off one more thing from my “to do list,” did I even miss infusing real love, thought and meaning into the gift I purchased?

It was a lot to think about.

And a good reminder for me to be more present, even in the craziness of the holidays. When I do remember, I always enjoy a more meaningful celebration of family, friends and a happier experience of the season.

Now that really is a great present.

How to Stay Present in a Crazy World!

I'm not one to contradict Buddha...but I sometimes struggle with the statement above. Do you?

I've studied ancient spiritual wisdom as well as the teachings of modern mystics and they all mention the value of "being present." I understand the concept. To me, being present is having your full focus, attention, thoughts and feelings on the person or situation right there, in the moment you are experiencing.

Yeah, that's easy enough to do. 

Not. Even. Close.

I mean, come on...do those mystics deal with family issues, car accidents, health scares and financial problems? These are just a few of the real-life events clients talked with me about last week. They’re facing challenges and doing their best to live from their own divine core while they face the uncertainly of life as a human.

That’s exactly what mystics do. They understand our challenge is to be anchored in love while we live our daily lives. Why? The rewards include less stress, more confidence, a feeling of being in flow with life and feeling “on purpose.” Add to that a happier, more joyful life experience, a sense of oneness and desire to be in service all while enjoying a sense of deep peace. And there’s more…people who consistently live in the present moment have described feeling “more freedom.”

I know when I’m focused on the present moment, I’m free of stress created by my relentless rehashing of the past and free from worry about the future. That’s when I’m best able to align with my inner wisdom, and fully receive the guidance that leads me to the life I’m here to live. I’m guided to love, to service and back to the truest part of me.

Is that easy? While I believe it can be, it hasn’t been for me.

I have a long way to go to consistently be present and yet I’m daily reaping the rewards of my efforts. A life dedicated to love is far happier than the one I used to live that seemed to be dedicated to stress, overwhelm and worry. Go figure…

If you want to be more present, here are a few tips to try:

·       Commit to a daily spiritual practice: I recommend starting the day with what I call “the 3 M’s” to incorporate mind, body and spirit. Total time spent is up to you…start with a few minutes on each and work up to a more substantial routine. Yes, you have time for this:

.1.     Meditation:  Even starting with five to ten minutes a day can make a huge difference in your ability to feel calm, happy and more present in your life. If you’re new to meditation, check out free apps like CALM or INSIGHT TIMER.

.2.     Motivate: Turn off the news, put down your phone and read or listen to something that inspires and motivates you. I start the day with the daily lesson from A Course in Miracles plus time reading an inspiring book.

.3.     Move: Stretch, do a few yoga poses, walk or go up and down the stairs to bring awareness to your body first thing in the morning.

·       Ask questions when you feel overwhelmed or stressed in a situation. Questions could include:

.1.     What do I really know to be true, right now, in this moment? Is that really true?

.2.     What’s it like to be me in this situation at this instant? What would it be like to be a happier, more peaceful and trusting version of me right now?

.3.     Where are my feet? (I love this one that I learned from my mentor, Robert Holden. It brings me out of your head and back into my body every time.)

·       Get back to nature: Any time it’s possible, take a mindful walk in nature. Relax. Breathe. If that’s not possible, bring fresh flowers into the house or office, pet your cat or take a break and look at nature photos. All will help shift your brain chemistry and bring you into the present. Whatever you do, be mindful of the activity and give it your full attention and focus.

·       Heart Breath: My number one way to be present is to imagine breathing in and out of my heart space. I teach clients to breathe love in the back of their heart and radiate love out of the front. Start with at least five repetitions.

There are few things in life as sweet as finding your balance, experiencing joy in small moments and feeling at peace about the past and future. Learning to live in the present moment does this and more. Still need a bit of help? Ask Love to guide you.

Dear Ego…I QUIT!

It hit me a while ago. I figured out why my life doesn’t work the way I know it “should” in certain scenarios.

Yes, I know all experience is part of our learning in this life and I respect that. I’ve grown exponentially from past events and both understand and appreciate their value.

But come on.

I recognize that, sometimes, I do something kinda stupid. Period.

Not because I’m ill informed, unprepared or because Mercury is in the dreaded Retrograde. I realized I do dumb things that were reactions to fear, stress or feelings of overwhelm. All territories of the ego.

So I quit.

I quit letting fear run my business, my health, my relationships. I decided I no longer wanted to consciously allow my ego to run my life or my business. I decided to, even more fully than ever before, submit to the intelligent, creative and expansive divine love within me.

If Love/Universe/Spirit/God can create galaxies, running the details of my life should be a piece of cake. I decided to be fully guided by Love. To be all in. I got out my journal and on the left side I wrote this letter:

Dear Ego,

I hereby immediately resign my position as your employee. I freely give up the worry, stress and overwhelm associated with my position.

I appreciate the learning I’ve received under your tutelage and recognize it has enabled me to see we are no longer a “good fit.”

While I’m sure we’ll see each other from time to time, please know I am totally and eternally in service to Love.

Diane L Haworth

So that felt AMAZING and I didn’t stop there. Next came my acceptance letter to Love:

Dear Love,

It is with much delight, relief and utter trust that I accept and fully commit to being in your service.

I commit to:

·       Loving myself

·       Loving all others

·       Being guided as you direct and taking action (whether I understand it or not)

·       Dedicating my life in service to Love

I am excited to walk in the path as you lead me.

Diane L Haworth

I felt fantastic! I had effectively “fired” the confused, scared and ineffective part of me and fully committed to the part that understands my entire life plan and how to live with the most joy, peace and freedom.

Although I had no preconceived idea of what would happen next – remember I’d just committed to being fully guided – miracles started to appear. Unforeseen opportunities, gifts, delightful surprises…all began, and continue, to appear.

Why?

Because I finally got out of the way. By inviting and allowing Love to lead I’m finding life is unfolding in beautiful ways I could never imagine.

Tired of living in the chaos of a life led by fear and your ego? Go get out your journal and start writing….

The Holidays are in FULL SWING...So is the STRESS!

The Thanksgiving turkey is now a faint memory which can only mean one thing…the holidays are ON!

What are you expecting this holiday season?

• Frantic shopping and spending more than you planned?
• Indulging in too much food and drink resulting in extra pounds and lots of guilt? 
• Hectic schedules that only create more stress and feelings of overwhelm?
• Waaay to much time with the friends and relatives who get on your last nerve?

Sounds fun, doesn’t it? Of course not! These results usually occur when we forget to go within and ask Love (God, Universe, Spirit) for guidance. Make this year different.You could experience a truly divine holiday with just a little planning and intention. 

Here are a few tips on how to connect to your inner wisdom (divine voice of love) to enjoy the season:

Gift giving: think about the goal of the gift. Is it to reward or recognize an employee or coworker? Show your love to a child? Demonstrate your appreciation to a loved one? Participate in a gift giving party activity? Ask yourself, “what am I trying to show with this gift?” 

Next imagine the recipient, close your eyes, take a deep breath in, relax and simply ask, “show me the perfect gift for ___.” You may get an image, hear an ad for a specific product, get the idea to bake or make your gift, give a charitable donation in their name or offer an experience (dinner, concert, drive in the country) as your present. Take your time and allow the answer to come. This may even take a day or two. Remember you have a choice. You can be overrun by our consumer culture or be guided by love in your gift giving. 

Over indulging: what is it about the holidays that implies you must eat and drink yourself silly? Stop. Set a silent intention before the party or trip to the grocery store. The reminder here is to stay present with how your body feels. Stick to your drink limit and be aware when you feel full. If you’re going to be in a social situation for a few hours, simply pace yourself. Say no to offers of additional drinks and food that you know makes you feel uncomfortable afterwards. It’s OK to politely refuse to indulge when you know you’ve had enough. At the grocery store stick to your list and when that all too tempting goodie appears at the end of the aisle (like you know it will) ask yourself, “do I really want this or am I just responding to clever product placement?” Feel your answer. Act accordingly.

Hectic schedules leading to stress and overwhelm: here’s the BIG SECRET everyone forgets about holiday schedules. YOU ARE IN CHARGE OF YOUR SCHEDULE. Yes, I know you simply must make it to the neighbor’s party and it’s on the same day as that work thing which is right after the school play…guess what? The way to truly enjoy the holidays is to be more intentional about what you do and where you go. Period. Yes, that means you could SKIP some of those events! How do you decide? Tap into your inner wisdom and ask, “Which activities will bring me joy and allow me to bring joy to others?” It’s that easy. Of course, you want to attend a child’s play and see your beloved Aunt Elna and Uncle Bill for brunch but be more discerning about where and why you choose activities. Ask Love to help you! Think of it this way. Is it more important to attend more activities and feel resentful and stressed or fewer events that you truly enjoy? It’s an easy choice if you let it be.

Waaay too much time with friends and relatives who get on your last nerve: Love’s got you covered here as well! You probably know which people tend to trigger you. Before you interact with them, ask Love questions like, “How can I see ____ differently? Show me the lesson here? How can I be more at peace with this relationship?” A few days before that big, uncomfortable holiday family event you could sit quietly, go within and journal the responses you get to your questions. Above all, go into these situations with a loving attitude and intention to enjoy yourself.

Now this doesn’t sound too hard, does it? Just a few more tips to help this holiday be your best:

• Remember to get enough rest, stay hydrated and eat your veggies! Yes, have some of the holiday stuff but don’t forget the basics of self care.
• If you don’t think you have time to meditate, that’s a sure sign to double your efforts! This is a practice that will not only help you feel more connected to the divine within, but you’ll feel connected to the meaning of the season and to your loved ones even more.
• Give yourself a break. Forgive yourself and others when things don’t go the way you planned. Allow the divine to come into to every situation and look for the love there.

Now go forth and enjoy the next few weeks! When you feel unsure, stuck or at a loss remember to go within and ask, “Love, what do you want me to know here?”

My Seven Days of Silence

I’ve signed up for meditation classes where I spent significant time in silence. I’ve attended retreats where silence was a part of the program. I planned for these times, understood the purpose and made sure my family knew the schedule. I made sure everything was neat, tidy and effective.

I’m finishing up a seven day period that has been anything but planned, neat or tidy. Has it been effective? 

Try mind blowing. Life changing. I’ve experienced pain, healing and an honest to God epiphany. Yeah, I’d say it’s been effective.

Early last week I returned from a trip to Toronto with what I thought was severe laryngitis and flu like symptoms. I was diagnosed with a particularly nasty “bug” that sometimes effects travelers and was given heavy duty antibiotics with steroids. And ordered to be on “total voice rest” for seven days. SEVEN DAYS WITHOUT TALKING. This seemed impossible but since I could barely speak anyway and was in such pain, I agreed. I had to teach in 12 days and couldn’t have my voice compromised long term.

I believe physical symptoms are a result of internal issues and I tried to go to work figuring out my psyche. I was too ill. I decided to surrender to the experience and asked for guidance. I got it.

The first few days I was weak and stayed mostly in bed or on the couch. I began to notice a few things. Because I couldn’t speak, people stopped talking to me. I could text and had a small wipe off board to communicate with my husband, but he even stopped talking to me besides an occasional, “How do you feel? Need anything?” By the afternoon of day three, he took me for a ride to get out of the house and we went to a couple stores and to dinner. I had a note from my doctor that stated “total voice rest” that I’d show to store clerks or people we saw. To a person, when they realized I couldn’t speak they stopped talking to me. They’d gesture the way I had to or simply nod. What was THAT about?

My daughter tried a video chat with my beloved 15-month-old grandson but he was confused and uninterested when his GiGi couldn’t speak. He’s used to my voice and didn’t seem to connect to my image on the screen without sound. I missed talking with my kids and my cat was downright traumatized. Evidently, I usually talk A LOT.

My dear sister did her best to cheer me up with a visit on day four. We’d both been on trips and as she did her best to talk to me, it was obvious our normal communication style was severely altered. Bless her heart, she stayed for several hours as she told me about her trip and tried to interpret my gestures and the short hand notes I wrote on my board. We laughed, and I felt better.

The magic of the experience came as a result of looking at the events that had transpired in Toronto and keeping a small journal of my thoughts and feelings during the seven days. I did understand the emotional reason for my illness but didn’t yet realize the gifts that were in store.

As a result of not speaking, I felt terribly isolated and alone. I felt like no one understood or was “listening” to me. I felt like a burden to my husband, although he never did anything to insinuate that. It was all in my head.

I realized something. While this experience was only seven days for me, millions of people live with the feelings of isolation and loneliness every day, sometimes their entire lives. 

That realization was a physical blow to my heart. I felt it. Who could live this way? I saw the image of someone I know who recently took their own life. For a split second, I felt the agonizing pain of this person before the final event. Suddenly, in my mind’s eye I saw a cascade of pictures…elderly, refugees, prisoners, struggling parents, children in abusive situations, addicts, the terminally ill. The images went on and on. I couldn’t get them out of my head. 

I realized each of these haunted images were children of God, just like me and those I love. Suddenly they seemed more real. A part of me. Since I believe that we are all part of the energy of an intelligent Universe, of course they are each part of me. And part of you.

So what do we do? I asked that question and heard the answer very plainly, “Be love.” 

How does that work? Be the love you are. Live from your divine core. Start by being more kind and loving to yourself, your family and everyone and everything you encounter. Open your heart to hear divine guidance and you’ll always know what to do. Read about divine love, study it and talk to others about how to implement this in your own life. The divine intelligence within you knows exactly what to do. I was shown that by creating these “ripples of love” we can absolutely change our world.

Can these individual actions ease the pain of the people I saw? It’s a start.

I’m amazed by the changes and insights this quiet week has “gifted” to me. I know this level of understanding couldn’t have come about without the silence that allowed me to learn these vital “heart lessons.”

On day six of my seven days, this passage began my daily reading from Eileen Caddy’s “Opening Doors Within:”

“Every soul needs to withdraw from the world from time to time 

to find the peace which passes understanding.”

Perfect. Now to do my best to “be love.” Join me.

Don't Have Time to Meditate? Yeah, You Do!

Come on now...during May’s Meditation Month, you’re going to tell me you don’t have time to meditate? Yeah, you do. Take a few minutes from Facebook, bitching about your boss or even – GASP – before you watch Game of Thrones. 

Why is finding time for meditation important? 

Because it works. 

Meditation has been proven to be effective in releasing stress, improving health and can even help people put their finances back on track. I understand as little as five minutes a day can make a positive difference in your life. Now really, you don’t have five minutes a day? If you believed meditating five minutes a day could change your life for the better, would you do it? Of course you would. Start at five minutes and work your way up to twenty minutes or more per sitting to see an incredible shift in your life. No kidding.

Check out the thousands of books, articles, CDs and videos on the subject if you don’t believe me. You’ll not only find research supporting the positive effects of a consistent meditation practice, you’ll find many examples of the ways you can meditate. There is a simple meditation style to fit everyone. 

I believe meditation is so important it’s the very first chapter of my book How to Choose Love When You Just Want to Slap Somebody. Read my book to see how it all fits in, but know for now that a daily meditation practice keeps me more balanced, happy and open to all the good life has to offer. Result? I don’t feel like slapping anyone. Not that often at least.

Yes, I’m on Facebook, I’ll occasionally whine to my sister and I know what the Mother of Dragons is up to… but it’s all done after I’ve meditated at least once that day. Meditation comes first each morning and I work to include a second session between late afternoon and evening. Each day, every day. No exception.

Meditation is magic. It’s healing. It’s free. And you definitely have time for it.

P.S. You even have time to #meditatethevote! Check out the details here. 

Got Me Again….

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My husband loves to point out situations where my words don’t match my actions. He finds this highly entertaining and endlessly amusing. I do not.

While this doesn’t happen often, I appreciate his insight. Eventually at least. I fully intend to “walk my talk” and I’m disturbed when I find I’ve missed the mark in some area.

And that’s what happened. I missed the mark. I didn’t follow my own advice and trust that everything was happening for my highest and best. I didn’t take an action that I’d committed to.

I put something off, procrastinated, masterfully avoided and side stepped an issue. And I did it for months. I know better. This is exactly what my clients pay me to stop them from doing.

What was the potential foe I was so afraid of?

Upgrading a stupid computer program.

Yeah, I know it’s crazy. My husband had upgraded and was delighted but one friend had experienced a big issue that lost her several days of work. I was scared.

And I put it off. Again and again.

I signed up for the free upgrade as my husband suggested, but I ignored prompt for the upgrade the multitude of times it was offered.

I got little pop-up screens saying “We’ve got your upgrade ready! Start now…” but I didn’t. Finally, after months of prompting, I got a notice stating “Upgrade will begin Wednesday at 11pm.”

Hmmm….guess even my computer gets tired of being put off. Although I was beyond hesitant, I followed the directions and allowed the upgrade to take place. The result?

Glorious! I freakin’ love this program!

What the heck was my problem?

Oh yeah….I remember.

Instead of “trusting that everything is happening for my highest and best” as I so loudly preach to others, I had allowed myself to get caught in the drama of “what ifs?”

“What if I lose everything on my computer?”

“What if the new program creates issues and I lose productive office time?”

“What if I don’t like the new changes?”

So this was the real kicker. I’ve spent the last six months telling friends, family and my clients that CHANGE IS GOOD.

I explained that the intelligent divine energy that created our universe is constantly seeking to expand, grow and create anew. Change is part of the plan. And, in retrospect, most of the time we can ultimately appreciate the change. We just have to get past our fear of the unknown. The unknown and the “what ifs.”

Maybe I need to remind myself of a couple other “what ifs.”

“What if this change is fantastic?”

“What if I love the result?”

OK, Universe...message received. I’ll go wipe the egg off my face now.

At least my husband is amused.

“I know what you’re going to say….”

My friends and I have a running joke. Although I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who thinks it’s funny.

Anytime anything – ANYTHING – goes wrong and my buddies call me, they know the first question I’ll ask and they immediately go on the defensive.

“My three-month-old-car needs a new transmission. I can’t believe it, I’m so mad! I know what you’re going to say…”

“My mother-in-law is driving me nuts! I can’t take her endless chatter. I know what you’re going to say…”

“I work with morons! You wouldn’t believe how they run this business! They just don’t get it! I know what you’re going to say…”

Yeah, they know what I’m going to say. “Have you been meditating?”

I know. At first glance you may not see the connection. You may not understand how it relates to everything that happens to you. But it does.

How could meditation help in the examples above, you wonder? Here’s a short explanation from my book “How to Choose Love When You Just Want to Slap Somebody”:

Why meditate? Countless medical, scientific and spiritual sources tout the benefits of consistent meditation. A few common benefits widely reported by people who consistently meditate include:

• Feeling happier and more at peace

• Increased social skills and feeling of “connectedness”

• “Stress eating” is reduced or eliminated thus overall weight is reduced

• Reduced events of “impulse buying” due to calmer thought patterns

• Lowered blood pressure and heart rate

• Muscles feel more relaxed (some say they even appear younger once meditation drains stress from the face!)

• Increased brain function: improved memory and greater clarity

• Increased pain tolerance

• Increased creativity and problem solving

• Reduced overall stress (and reaction to specific stress triggers) 

In what universe do you NOT want to be more peaceful, calm, happy and healthy? From that vantage point, life’s challenges are not only easier to understand, but it’s easier to see alternatives and navigate through the issue.

Does a meditation practice mean you can eliminate stress? No. It does mean you’re better equipped to handle whatever life brings your way. Life can be stressful. Meditation makes a positive difference in how you handle the stress.

After meditating for over 20 years, I can honestly say the quality of every aspect of my life has improved from this practice. I believe meditation is so fundamental in creating the foundation for a happy, healthy life that it’s the first thing I discuss with my coaching clients.

What about you? Are you or a loved one experiencing health issues? Work driving you crazy? Feel so frustrated you want to hit your head against a wall?

Let me ask you a question…have you been meditating?

Fell Off My Unicorn Again…Hate When That Happens

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I have friends who are supportive of my work, but worry I’m “a bit out of touch” with reality. Too “woo woo”. Even naïve. They think I’m “riding unicorns over rainbows” and I need to get my head out of the clouds.

I respect their opinion, but I don’t agree.

I have found that exploring my own spiritual path and teaching about it does come with some special challenges.

It’s not easy facing life’s twists and turns. That’s when I fall off my unicorn, but I’ve learned to get up when life knocks me down, brush myself off and saddle up again. Sometimes it’ll take longer than others to get up. Sometimes I’m down a looooong time. But I get up. Eventually.

Let’s be clear on one thing. I don’t like falling off my unicorn.

Annoying, frustrating and scary things happen. And I still choose to trust everything is happening for the highest and best of all.

During these times is when I remember:

· I believe that God/Universe/Source/Creator is the eternal, intelligent, creative energy of love.
· I choose to see God in everyone and in every situation, whether I understand it or not.
· I believe that all human beings are created from the same Divine energy of love, which makes us “all one.”
· All creatures are from the same Divine source. (Even spiders and snakes.)
· No individual is greater than, or less than, any other.
· The Universe is always working for the highest and best of all.
· Our goal is to recognize the Divine within and live from that space in human form, as best we can.
· Love transforms the energy of fear and is more powerful than hate.

What if every person, place and situation in our lives gave us the opportunity to choose how we’ll be in the world? That doesn’t mean it’s an easy choice. It’s heartbreaking to see a loved one suffer with a terminal disease, watch a family deal with the loss of a child or see the effects of long term physical pain.

Believing that good can come from even the most horrific situation doesn’t mean I ignore the human suffering that it causes. I do believe the way to help others, and myself, is to look at life through the eyes of love to find helpful actions.

“What does love look like here? Love for myself and love for others?” is the inquiry I use when a challenge arises. And most importantly I ask, “How does love move me forward?”

Using love as a filter does not mean you deny that the pain or suffering exists. It simply gives you direction on how to proceed.

While I haven’t always reacted with love, that’s my intention now. I’m not even sure what that means in all situations. I just do my best and keep going forward.

I invariably get stuck. And I start over by asking, “What does love look like here? How does love move me forward?”

Maybe that does make me seem naïve. I’m OK with that.

Time to get back on my unicorn….

Super Powers? Yeah, SUPER POWERS!

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A beautiful five year old boy named Christopher, looks his dad in the eye each morning and gives him the same instruction, “Remember your super powers today, Daddy!” Then off he goes to school.

Super powers? What in the world could this little fellow be referring to? Could he believe his dad has fantastic strength like Superman or a super intellect like Batman? Maybe. Could he be thinking of x-ray vision or the ability to fly? Probably not.

When I think of this dad, Robert, I think of his steady presence, kindness, wisdom and quick wit. Every time I’ve seen him, he’s appeared patient, curious, caring and genuinely interested in others.

Ohhh, now I get it! I understand his “super powers.”

Robert lives from Love.

To my mind, that’s more powerful than x-ray vision, flying and super strength combined! Just think what “powers” and benefits come with the ability to live from Love:

     · Forgiveness – forgiving yourself and others for past issues results in freedom from anger, frustration, victimhood and disease.

     · Trust – releases you from constant worry about the future and relieves you of the self-inflicted responsibility of controlling all aspects (and people) in your world.

     · Gratitude – energetically, when you feel truly thankful for anything in your life, you allow more good to flow to you. The result? You have more to be grateful for.

     · Presence – be in the NOW to experience life with a fresh, untainted perspective. New possibilities will emerge, challenges diminish and you’ll be more aware of the sweetness of life when you’re more fully in the moment.

     · Acceptance of others – learning to see individuals as unique expressions of Divine Love frees you from judgement of yourself and others. Do all problems disappear? Nope. But they get better when approached with understanding, respect and love.

     · Joy – my favorite super power! Keeping fear, overwhelm and judgement under control by tapping into the super powers mentioned above, energetically creates space in your life for play, peace, happiness and joy.

Do I think we’ll all have a perfect life if we choose to live from Love? No. But I believe the way we move through pain, sadness and grief will be significantly changed the more we experience life through the filter of Love.

Can we live from Love every minute of our lives? That’s my intention! Sometimes I fall short. Very short. When I don’t feel I’ve been as loving as I could, I forgive myself and keep going forward.

Thanks, Christopher, for reminding me that we all enjoy a fantastic life when we allow ourselves to live from Love.

Now that I’ve remembered my own super powers, I’m off to have fun. I’m going to play. Be silly. Feel free. And create even more to be grateful for while I live this life to the fullest.

Do Something You’ve Never Done

“If you want something you’ve never had, you must do something you’ve never done.”

This saying, attributed to Virginian Thomas Jefferson, is on a silver cuff bracelet I wear often. I absolutely love it and what it does for me.

When I decided to write my first book, I had a deep desire to give quick and easy stress reducing tips to people suffering from long term stress. These tools had helped me endure an extended family health crisis and I wanted to help others in similar situations.

I was passionate about my project and spent hours on research, developing my outline and writing content.

Then I got tired. Suddenly it wasn’t that fun anymore.

Writing a book is a lot of work! Day after day spent writing, rewriting, editing, proof reading and rewriting again…it was exhausting. And I still had a coaching business to run. The process was definitely not as much fun as I’d envisioned.

But I was still passionate about helping frustrated and overwhelmed people find relief. My original intention never changed.

That’s when Thomas Jefferson came to my rescue. Every time I was busy finding something else to do, I looked down at my bracelet and I knew I had to write. I had to do something different, something uncomfortable, something I’d never done before if I wanted to help my future readers and become a published author. I had to see this project through.

“If you want something you’ve never had, you must do something you’ve never done.”

I’d repeat this phrase over and over as I forced myself to sit back down at my desk and write. Thanks to Jefferson (and a fantastic support team) today I’m a published author and have had the privilege of helping others through my work.

In hindsight, I wouldn’t change a thing. Understanding I had to “do something I’d never done” to achieve my desired result has been a priceless life lesson. Every minute of work was worth it when I saw How to Choose Love When You Just Want to Slap Somebody on Amazon for the first time. It was amazing.

Everyone has a “special project” that they’ve always dreamed about. So what’s yours?

I guess the big question is, “What will you do that you’ve never done before to ensure your success?”

A Thanksgiving Story: What If Life is Working FOR You?

This Thanksgiving story is from my book, "How to Choose Love When You Just Want to Slap Somebody", and it’s one of my favorites. I hope you enjoy a beautiful holiday!

Consider this: Life is working FOR me. Life is working FOR me? What a concept! Have you looked at my life? All the petty inconveniences of life like missing car keys, being late for work, only finding one sock, PC crashes — as well as the struggles, pain, and loss—all working FOR my benefit? And the benefit of others? How could that be? As long as I was focused on the drama of the day, this certainly didn’t seem possible. When I consciously choose love as my guide, however, it’s an accepted - and expected - way of life. It took an interesting trail of events to help me realize the truth of this statement. Here’s how it happened.

I’ve been contemplating this very principle and working (yes, working…it didn’t come easily) to allow myself to truly believe that whatever happened, appeared to happen, or looked like it might happen was all for my ultimate good. When discussing this with a few close friends, several had the same question: “Are you nuts?”

Regardless of my skeptical buddies, I was determined to explore the idea. I must admit it was much more of a challenge than I anticipated.

I had been introduced to this theory several years ago in the writings of Louise Hay. I had just begun to discover metaphysical/spiritual literature then and was reading everything I could to understand how my actions and thoughts did indeed create my own experience. This little gem of wisdom must have slipped through the cracks, only to be reintroduced when I attended a five-day “Coaching Success” program with Dr. Robert Holden in New York.

In the safe but intense environment of Robert’s workshop, we delved into the meaning of success, happiness, and yes, the concept that “Life is working FOR you” and how shifting your belief to accept this can positively shift your experience of life. It was a busy, fun, and eye-opening five days! All this was well and good and totally believable as long as I was in the group environment with like-minded folks who were willing to give it a shot too. Then I went home.

I’ll never forget the next several days—when I first realized Life was working FOR me. Robert’s program had ended on the Sunday evening before Thanksgiving 2012, and I spent that evening relishing the new concepts I’d learned and how I’d incorporate them into my coaching practice. I boarded the train home on Monday, still full of excitement. The next two days were filled with clients as I played “catch up” in the office after being gone for a week.

In a moment of “Why did I do that?” I suddenly realized on Wednesday that I had volunteered to bring a pumpkin pie to my brother’s house, where my family would gather for our Thanksgiving feast. Maybe I was nuts! I’d just come back from a week of training and was working long hours to see a week’s worth of clients in two days. Now yes, I could have purchased a pumpkin pie from the grocery store, but I had gone into great detail with my family about the merits of my recipe and how we simply must have a homemade pie. My sister really should have stopped me, but she didn’t. Now I was fretting over the stupid pie, and anyone who understands the importance of a good pumpkin pie to the overall success of Thanksgiving knows this was close to a full blown crisis.

Then I remembered.

What if Life was working for me? Yeah, I had momentarily forgotten my new mantra: “Life is working FOR me!” OK, it’ll all work out I thought. I surrendered to this truth and decided I’d finish with my clients and proceed to the store. At that point, I’d assess how tired I was and either purchase a “store bought” pie or the ingredients to make one. I felt the stress leave my body.

Then it happened—my first miracle. One of my favorite clients came in for her session bearing a huge pumpkin pie made by our local five-star bakery. This was the same pie that had been awarded “Washington DC Area’s Best Pumpkin Pie” only days before by a respected regional magazine. Oh yeah, crisis averted! While the irony and timing wasn’t lost on me, I, being human, still needed a bit more convincing.

By Thanksgiving morning, I was in a panic as I prepared for what would be a new tradition for my family. After a year of serious health issues, my Dad was now living in a memory support unit at a local assisted living facility and unable to travel even short distances to be with the family for Thanksgiving. Mom died a few years before and I wanted to see my Dad on our favorite holiday. I was determined to see him in the morning, but I still needed to prepare my side dish for the dinner I would share with my husband, adult children, brother, sister, and their families. Of course I was running late. I’m a “planner” and had meticulously planned every minute of the morning to coordinate all my activities but failed to schedule time for “issues.” Suddenly the ultimate planner was having issues!

I was working on the side dish I was slated to bring to dinner along with my fabulous pumpkin pie when disaster struck again…no lemon juice. Crap! We live almost 15 miles from a grocery store, and there was simply no time to make the trek to town, purchase lemon juice, get back to the house, prepare the dish, go see Dad, and get to my brother’s in time. Now I know to the untrained eye, this looks far from a disaster, but to a stressed, overwhelmed working woman, this is just the tiny issue that can put us over the edge. To add to my stress, I had chosen a recipe from a friend who had died two years before as a way of including her in our celebration. So I probably pissed off a dead woman by forgetting the lemon juice. What was I thinking?

I took a deep breath and repeated “What if Life is working FOR me?” several times until I truly felt a sense of peace and acceptance. I knew whatever came would be perfect for all involved (living or dead). Within minutes, my husband, Joe, appeared in the kitchen and asked how I was doing. 

I told him my recipe was “ruined” because I had failed to buy lemon juice. He looked puzzled, and then with a gleam in his eye he said “I’ll be right back!” Within five minutes he was back in the kitchen with one perfect fresh lemon!  “It’s November in Virginia…. where did you get that?” I asked in amazement. He reminded me that my friend Robin had given me a lemon tree the previous April for my birthday. He’d noticed it wasn’t doing well in my office and had taken it to his private sanctuary, “Manland,” which is in a building separate from our house.  I never go there—it is Manland after all. The lemon tree had revived, and he’d noticed just the day before that it bore one perfect lemon. I juiced it, and, of course, it yielded exactly the amount of juice needed for the recipe. I finished mixing my dish and popped it in the oven while I jumped in the shower to get ready. Another crisis averted! I was really starting to like this “Life working FOR me” thing.

Life was not finished with me just yet.

As I was getting dressed, I noticed my pants were a bit baggy…YAY! I remember thinking that I wished I had a pair in the next smaller size to try. Too bad. As I was looking for the perfect Thanksgiving blouse, I noticed a bag on the floor in the back of my closet. What was that? I looked inside and found three pairs of pants in the next smaller size. What?! I never bought these and didn’t remember where they came from. I quickly found a pair that fit nicely.

Life is working FOR me…I repeated it over and over as Joe and I drove to see my Dad in his new “home.” While the visit was far from the holidays I remember in the past, I can truly say I enjoyed it. I consciously stayed in the moment with him, where he was mentally and physically at that time, and accepted it for the gift that it was: another Thanksgiving with my Dad.

The rest of the day flowed beautifully, and we had a fun day feasting with family, laughing, and telling stories that began with, “Back in our day…” to our adult children. As I related my amazing few days to my sister, she reminded me that she had given me the bag of smaller pants a year earlier. I had totally forgotten! The news just added to the magic of the day.

A free pumpkin pie, a lemon, and even smaller pants couldn’t beat the miracle of accepting my Dad where he was and truly being grateful for the gift of another day with him on the planet.

I get it. I really get it. Life IS working FOR me, and whenever I open my eyes, I see it in action. And Life is working for you too. And each of your family members, and your neighbors, your boss and every single person who is currently feeling frustrated by life. They just don’t know it yet.

Now will you have lemons and pants magically appear just when you need them? I’m not sure of that, but I am sure you’ll handle any situation better when you remember “Life is working FOR you.” And yes, even painful and challenging life events will be easier to weather.

Remember to Remember

So how can you remember that “Life is working FOR you?” Begin by saying it over and over as a mantra or affirmation. Say it in the morning when you get out of bed. Let it be the last thought you have a night and repeat it as many times in between as you can remember throughout the day.

Keep a note taped on your bathroom mirror. Make “Life is working FOR me” scroll across your computer screen. Put the phrase in your car where you’ll see it often and use it.

The key with this concept is to accept that Life is working for you and everyone else without trying to figure out the how. That’s not your job. Yours is to trust the Divine Source that creates life itself, makes the sun rise, the tides come in and the flowers bloom is orchestrating all on your behalf whether you understand it or not.

When you trust that all is ultimately working for your benefit, your perspective instantly changes. You relax. You can weather situations more easily and with more clarity. Instead of feeling like a victim, you open up to possibilities. Again, believing Life is on your side doesn’t exempt you from sadness, grief or tragic events. It does help you see with more loving eyes, hear with more loving ears and feel with a more open loving heart.

Life is working FOR me. What a concept!

The Surrender Rock

I often know exactly how to approach an issue. What coaching technique to use, which book to read, who to call for advice or the perfect website that holds all my answers. And sometimes I don’t. I don’t have a clue. Not even a little one. That’s when I use my “Surrender Rock.”

On my desk is a river rock that I selected and on top I carefully wrote “This I Surrender to God.” When I simply can’t see a solution to an issue, or at least one I want to consider, I note my issue or concern on an index card, fold it in half and place it under my rock. It’s sort of my mailing system to God. Yes, I certainly pray about (and for) the people I love, world issues and other problems but sometimes I’ve learned I have to move aside and allow God the space to take care of the issue.

Sometimes I’m working too hard on a solution, and I find the answers aren’t coming easily. There’s no flow. The energy is stuck. Usually, it’s MY energy that’s stuck as I continue to push ahead, demanding an answer, an answer that I agree with, to appear. Often I think I’m just blocking the Divine Plan and I need to get out of the way. I need to hand the issue over to God and let Him take care it. When I do, miracles happen. I had a little miracle just this week in fact.

I’ve been working to upgrade my website and use my social media platforms more effectively. Over the weekend, I was frantically trying to understand a graphics marketing program that I’ve been told is very simple. Evidently, it’s simple for everybody but me. 

While I was exploring the program, I was overwhelmed with everything on my “to do” list. Thanksgiving is at our house this year; my nephew is getting married two days later and 24 hours after that, I leave for a two week business trip to London. All great events, but the added stress was getting to me. In desperation I muttered, “God, you gotta take care of this. I’ll learn how to do this after the first of the year, but until then I’m giving this one to you.” Under the rock my problem went. And I forgot about it. 

Within 24 hours, I got an email from a client saying she was playing around with this same graphics program and wondered if she could create some content for me – for free – so she could build a portfolio. “Why YES YOU CAN,” I thought as I looked at my Surrender Rock.

Not all my issues are handled as quickly as this one. And sometimes I never find out how the issue or problem evolved or if it got “solved” as I’d expected. When I surrender the problem to God and get out of His way; I trust the Divine is working behind the scenes in ways I could never orchestrate, and miracles happen. I like miracles.

Do you have any problems or issues that could use a Divine touch? Find yourself a rock.

Perfection Amid Chaos

I get it. I'm finally able to see Divine Perfection amid chaos. Much of the time at least. Here’s a recent example.

I decided to go to IKEA a mere 48 miles away from home on a Friday afternoon and talked my strong son into coming (someone had to lift those boxes). My plan was simple: drive an hour, grab something to eat, quickly locate what I needed from my list, check out and be back home before afternoon rush hour traffic. I’d have plenty of time to go home, change and attend the visitation of a friend’s dad at the local funeral home that evening. All was good. Or so I thought.

But Life happened. We were late leaving the house, there was a problem with lunch, not all of the items I wanted could be located, and there was a HUGE issue with my intended “speedy” checkout and delivery process. Of course we were late leaving the store, which put us “smack dab” in the middle of the worst rush hour traffic in the country. Great. For a few minutes I was concerned about the snarled traffic and erratic driving style of the adjacent drivers, being late for the funeral visitation and inconveniencing my son. Then I remembered there is Divine Perfection in every moment. And I started to look for it.

Amid the chaos of the grueling traffic, my son and I had a beautiful heartfelt conversation about our life goals and what we wanted for our careers over the next few years. He shared some sensitive and loving insights about his life that touched my heart as I realized (again) what an incredible guy he is.

We had taken a back road thinking we’d miss some of the traffic, but another thousand or so commuters had the same thought, so we continued to crawl along the scenic back roads meandering toward home. We saw sparkling landscapes we’d never noticed when we typically whizzed by at 55 miles per hour. We noticed majestic trees, interesting homes, and fascinating looking people in cars next to us. We listened to music on the radio and sang along to a few familiar tunes. What I had feared would be a nightmare ride, became the best part of the day. I saw the Divine Perfection in it.

I made it home in plenty of time to pay my respects at the funeral home, and my husband and I even managed a late romantic dinner. I realized my experience of the day would have been drastically different if I had allowed anger to take over when my carefully crafted plan had been changed. It’s so energizing when a truth I’ve realized before gets reinforced on an even deeper level.  

The gift of this day was that I was able to understand how Divine Perfection exists in even the most chaotic situations, which results in deeper inner peace for me. Chaos takes many forms. What I perceived as chaos paled in comparison to someone who’s lost a child, had a job termination or other life altering event. Even in those situations, I am convinced there is Divine Perfection. In retrospect, I can see it in the death of my own loved ones and in a devastating divorce.  

OK, God...I get it. You do have this Life thing. I'm going to concentrate on allowing the good to surface in situations instead of micro managing every detail. And I know the greater good is there whether I recognize it or not. I’m trusting in the Divine Perfection of it all.