I Hate When That Happens…

Ever know you need, should, could do something…and you don’t? You mean to, you really do, but other tasks pop up. In your mind you say, “I’ll get right to it after I finish this.” But you never do.

And you end up regretting it.

I hate when that happens.

Mostly I hate knowing I could have easily avoided an unpleasant situation. All I had to do was listen to that little voice within that I rely on for guidance, support and balance. The divine voice from my soul that speaks truth to my life and always guides me to my highest and best. It’s the part I teach my coaching clients to relax into, to trust, to follow above all else.

Now why wouldn’t I listen to THAT?

The same reason you don’t always listen. We’re human. We make mistakes and we don’t always follow through on the guidance we receive. Even when we know better. We think we don’t have time, we’ll “get to it later” or we come up with a million rational sounding reasons why the guided action can wait.

Nope. You get specific guidance at the perfect divine time for you. That’s how it works. Every. Single. Time.

And still we resist.

That’s what happened to me last month. I’ve had a beautifully busy few weeks and realized some days my schedule was so tight, I didn’t even have time to eat during the day. To make matters worse, I was so excited about new projects, that I was finding it hard to sleep. Very unlike me.

I kept hearing “schedule more meditation time,” “relax,” “eat clean foods,” and “no need to rush.” I was tired, not paying attention to the signals my body was sending or what I was feeding it. All the while my divine voice was doing its best to guide me.

But I didn’t listen. I received the message and didn’t take the action I was given. (Sound familiar?)

I got sick. Like had to “go to the doctor” sick. I came home to start my antibiotics and eat a slice of humble pie. (Not my favorite.)

I’ve learned – again – that no project, work schedule or even family obligations can have my full attention when I’m in the land of “busy.” Only my ego thinks I’m “too busy.” My soul trusts everything is happening at the perfect time and will guide me each step of the way.

I only have to listen…

The Holidays are in FULL SWING...So is the STRESS!

The Thanksgiving turkey is now a faint memory which can only mean one thing…the holidays are ON!

What are you expecting this holiday season?

• Frantic shopping and spending more than you planned?
• Indulging in too much food and drink resulting in extra pounds and lots of guilt? 
• Hectic schedules that only create more stress and feelings of overwhelm?
• Waaay to much time with the friends and relatives who get on your last nerve?

Sounds fun, doesn’t it? Of course not! These results usually occur when we forget to go within and ask Love (God, Universe, Spirit) for guidance. Make this year different.You could experience a truly divine holiday with just a little planning and intention. 

Here are a few tips on how to connect to your inner wisdom (divine voice of love) to enjoy the season:

Gift giving: think about the goal of the gift. Is it to reward or recognize an employee or coworker? Show your love to a child? Demonstrate your appreciation to a loved one? Participate in a gift giving party activity? Ask yourself, “what am I trying to show with this gift?” 

Next imagine the recipient, close your eyes, take a deep breath in, relax and simply ask, “show me the perfect gift for ___.” You may get an image, hear an ad for a specific product, get the idea to bake or make your gift, give a charitable donation in their name or offer an experience (dinner, concert, drive in the country) as your present. Take your time and allow the answer to come. This may even take a day or two. Remember you have a choice. You can be overrun by our consumer culture or be guided by love in your gift giving. 

Over indulging: what is it about the holidays that implies you must eat and drink yourself silly? Stop. Set a silent intention before the party or trip to the grocery store. The reminder here is to stay present with how your body feels. Stick to your drink limit and be aware when you feel full. If you’re going to be in a social situation for a few hours, simply pace yourself. Say no to offers of additional drinks and food that you know makes you feel uncomfortable afterwards. It’s OK to politely refuse to indulge when you know you’ve had enough. At the grocery store stick to your list and when that all too tempting goodie appears at the end of the aisle (like you know it will) ask yourself, “do I really want this or am I just responding to clever product placement?” Feel your answer. Act accordingly.

Hectic schedules leading to stress and overwhelm: here’s the BIG SECRET everyone forgets about holiday schedules. YOU ARE IN CHARGE OF YOUR SCHEDULE. Yes, I know you simply must make it to the neighbor’s party and it’s on the same day as that work thing which is right after the school play…guess what? The way to truly enjoy the holidays is to be more intentional about what you do and where you go. Period. Yes, that means you could SKIP some of those events! How do you decide? Tap into your inner wisdom and ask, “Which activities will bring me joy and allow me to bring joy to others?” It’s that easy. Of course, you want to attend a child’s play and see your beloved Aunt Elna and Uncle Bill for brunch but be more discerning about where and why you choose activities. Ask Love to help you! Think of it this way. Is it more important to attend more activities and feel resentful and stressed or fewer events that you truly enjoy? It’s an easy choice if you let it be.

Waaay too much time with friends and relatives who get on your last nerve: Love’s got you covered here as well! You probably know which people tend to trigger you. Before you interact with them, ask Love questions like, “How can I see ____ differently? Show me the lesson here? How can I be more at peace with this relationship?” A few days before that big, uncomfortable holiday family event you could sit quietly, go within and journal the responses you get to your questions. Above all, go into these situations with a loving attitude and intention to enjoy yourself.

Now this doesn’t sound too hard, does it? Just a few more tips to help this holiday be your best:

• Remember to get enough rest, stay hydrated and eat your veggies! Yes, have some of the holiday stuff but don’t forget the basics of self care.
• If you don’t think you have time to meditate, that’s a sure sign to double your efforts! This is a practice that will not only help you feel more connected to the divine within, but you’ll feel connected to the meaning of the season and to your loved ones even more.
• Give yourself a break. Forgive yourself and others when things don’t go the way you planned. Allow the divine to come into to every situation and look for the love there.

Now go forth and enjoy the next few weeks! When you feel unsure, stuck or at a loss remember to go within and ask, “Love, what do you want me to know here?”

My Seven Days of Silence

I’ve signed up for meditation classes where I spent significant time in silence. I’ve attended retreats where silence was a part of the program. I planned for these times, understood the purpose and made sure my family knew the schedule. I made sure everything was neat, tidy and effective.

I’m finishing up a seven day period that has been anything but planned, neat or tidy. Has it been effective? 

Try mind blowing. Life changing. I’ve experienced pain, healing and an honest to God epiphany. Yeah, I’d say it’s been effective.

Early last week I returned from a trip to Toronto with what I thought was severe laryngitis and flu like symptoms. I was diagnosed with a particularly nasty “bug” that sometimes effects travelers and was given heavy duty antibiotics with steroids. And ordered to be on “total voice rest” for seven days. SEVEN DAYS WITHOUT TALKING. This seemed impossible but since I could barely speak anyway and was in such pain, I agreed. I had to teach in 12 days and couldn’t have my voice compromised long term.

I believe physical symptoms are a result of internal issues and I tried to go to work figuring out my psyche. I was too ill. I decided to surrender to the experience and asked for guidance. I got it.

The first few days I was weak and stayed mostly in bed or on the couch. I began to notice a few things. Because I couldn’t speak, people stopped talking to me. I could text and had a small wipe off board to communicate with my husband, but he even stopped talking to me besides an occasional, “How do you feel? Need anything?” By the afternoon of day three, he took me for a ride to get out of the house and we went to a couple stores and to dinner. I had a note from my doctor that stated “total voice rest” that I’d show to store clerks or people we saw. To a person, when they realized I couldn’t speak they stopped talking to me. They’d gesture the way I had to or simply nod. What was THAT about?

My daughter tried a video chat with my beloved 15-month-old grandson but he was confused and uninterested when his GiGi couldn’t speak. He’s used to my voice and didn’t seem to connect to my image on the screen without sound. I missed talking with my kids and my cat was downright traumatized. Evidently, I usually talk A LOT.

My dear sister did her best to cheer me up with a visit on day four. We’d both been on trips and as she did her best to talk to me, it was obvious our normal communication style was severely altered. Bless her heart, she stayed for several hours as she told me about her trip and tried to interpret my gestures and the short hand notes I wrote on my board. We laughed, and I felt better.

The magic of the experience came as a result of looking at the events that had transpired in Toronto and keeping a small journal of my thoughts and feelings during the seven days. I did understand the emotional reason for my illness but didn’t yet realize the gifts that were in store.

As a result of not speaking, I felt terribly isolated and alone. I felt like no one understood or was “listening” to me. I felt like a burden to my husband, although he never did anything to insinuate that. It was all in my head.

I realized something. While this experience was only seven days for me, millions of people live with the feelings of isolation and loneliness every day, sometimes their entire lives. 

That realization was a physical blow to my heart. I felt it. Who could live this way? I saw the image of someone I know who recently took their own life. For a split second, I felt the agonizing pain of this person before the final event. Suddenly, in my mind’s eye I saw a cascade of pictures…elderly, refugees, prisoners, struggling parents, children in abusive situations, addicts, the terminally ill. The images went on and on. I couldn’t get them out of my head. 

I realized each of these haunted images were children of God, just like me and those I love. Suddenly they seemed more real. A part of me. Since I believe that we are all part of the energy of an intelligent Universe, of course they are each part of me. And part of you.

So what do we do? I asked that question and heard the answer very plainly, “Be love.” 

How does that work? Be the love you are. Live from your divine core. Start by being more kind and loving to yourself, your family and everyone and everything you encounter. Open your heart to hear divine guidance and you’ll always know what to do. Read about divine love, study it and talk to others about how to implement this in your own life. The divine intelligence within you knows exactly what to do. I was shown that by creating these “ripples of love” we can absolutely change our world.

Can these individual actions ease the pain of the people I saw? It’s a start.

I’m amazed by the changes and insights this quiet week has “gifted” to me. I know this level of understanding couldn’t have come about without the silence that allowed me to learn these vital “heart lessons.”

On day six of my seven days, this passage began my daily reading from Eileen Caddy’s “Opening Doors Within:”

“Every soul needs to withdraw from the world from time to time 

to find the peace which passes understanding.”

Perfect. Now to do my best to “be love.” Join me.

A Thanksgiving Story: What If Life is Working FOR You?

This Thanksgiving story is from my book, "How to Choose Love When You Just Want to Slap Somebody", and it’s one of my favorites. I hope you enjoy a beautiful holiday!

Consider this: Life is working FOR me. Life is working FOR me? What a concept! Have you looked at my life? All the petty inconveniences of life like missing car keys, being late for work, only finding one sock, PC crashes — as well as the struggles, pain, and loss—all working FOR my benefit? And the benefit of others? How could that be? As long as I was focused on the drama of the day, this certainly didn’t seem possible. When I consciously choose love as my guide, however, it’s an accepted - and expected - way of life. It took an interesting trail of events to help me realize the truth of this statement. Here’s how it happened.

I’ve been contemplating this very principle and working (yes, working…it didn’t come easily) to allow myself to truly believe that whatever happened, appeared to happen, or looked like it might happen was all for my ultimate good. When discussing this with a few close friends, several had the same question: “Are you nuts?”

Regardless of my skeptical buddies, I was determined to explore the idea. I must admit it was much more of a challenge than I anticipated.

I had been introduced to this theory several years ago in the writings of Louise Hay. I had just begun to discover metaphysical/spiritual literature then and was reading everything I could to understand how my actions and thoughts did indeed create my own experience. This little gem of wisdom must have slipped through the cracks, only to be reintroduced when I attended a five-day “Coaching Success” program with Dr. Robert Holden in New York.

In the safe but intense environment of Robert’s workshop, we delved into the meaning of success, happiness, and yes, the concept that “Life is working FOR you” and how shifting your belief to accept this can positively shift your experience of life. It was a busy, fun, and eye-opening five days! All this was well and good and totally believable as long as I was in the group environment with like-minded folks who were willing to give it a shot too. Then I went home.

I’ll never forget the next several days—when I first realized Life was working FOR me. Robert’s program had ended on the Sunday evening before Thanksgiving 2012, and I spent that evening relishing the new concepts I’d learned and how I’d incorporate them into my coaching practice. I boarded the train home on Monday, still full of excitement. The next two days were filled with clients as I played “catch up” in the office after being gone for a week.

In a moment of “Why did I do that?” I suddenly realized on Wednesday that I had volunteered to bring a pumpkin pie to my brother’s house, where my family would gather for our Thanksgiving feast. Maybe I was nuts! I’d just come back from a week of training and was working long hours to see a week’s worth of clients in two days. Now yes, I could have purchased a pumpkin pie from the grocery store, but I had gone into great detail with my family about the merits of my recipe and how we simply must have a homemade pie. My sister really should have stopped me, but she didn’t. Now I was fretting over the stupid pie, and anyone who understands the importance of a good pumpkin pie to the overall success of Thanksgiving knows this was close to a full blown crisis.

Then I remembered.

What if Life was working for me? Yeah, I had momentarily forgotten my new mantra: “Life is working FOR me!” OK, it’ll all work out I thought. I surrendered to this truth and decided I’d finish with my clients and proceed to the store. At that point, I’d assess how tired I was and either purchase a “store bought” pie or the ingredients to make one. I felt the stress leave my body.

Then it happened—my first miracle. One of my favorite clients came in for her session bearing a huge pumpkin pie made by our local five-star bakery. This was the same pie that had been awarded “Washington DC Area’s Best Pumpkin Pie” only days before by a respected regional magazine. Oh yeah, crisis averted! While the irony and timing wasn’t lost on me, I, being human, still needed a bit more convincing.

By Thanksgiving morning, I was in a panic as I prepared for what would be a new tradition for my family. After a year of serious health issues, my Dad was now living in a memory support unit at a local assisted living facility and unable to travel even short distances to be with the family for Thanksgiving. Mom died a few years before and I wanted to see my Dad on our favorite holiday. I was determined to see him in the morning, but I still needed to prepare my side dish for the dinner I would share with my husband, adult children, brother, sister, and their families. Of course I was running late. I’m a “planner” and had meticulously planned every minute of the morning to coordinate all my activities but failed to schedule time for “issues.” Suddenly the ultimate planner was having issues!

I was working on the side dish I was slated to bring to dinner along with my fabulous pumpkin pie when disaster struck again…no lemon juice. Crap! We live almost 15 miles from a grocery store, and there was simply no time to make the trek to town, purchase lemon juice, get back to the house, prepare the dish, go see Dad, and get to my brother’s in time. Now I know to the untrained eye, this looks far from a disaster, but to a stressed, overwhelmed working woman, this is just the tiny issue that can put us over the edge. To add to my stress, I had chosen a recipe from a friend who had died two years before as a way of including her in our celebration. So I probably pissed off a dead woman by forgetting the lemon juice. What was I thinking?

I took a deep breath and repeated “What if Life is working FOR me?” several times until I truly felt a sense of peace and acceptance. I knew whatever came would be perfect for all involved (living or dead). Within minutes, my husband, Joe, appeared in the kitchen and asked how I was doing. 

I told him my recipe was “ruined” because I had failed to buy lemon juice. He looked puzzled, and then with a gleam in his eye he said “I’ll be right back!” Within five minutes he was back in the kitchen with one perfect fresh lemon!  “It’s November in Virginia…. where did you get that?” I asked in amazement. He reminded me that my friend Robin had given me a lemon tree the previous April for my birthday. He’d noticed it wasn’t doing well in my office and had taken it to his private sanctuary, “Manland,” which is in a building separate from our house.  I never go there—it is Manland after all. The lemon tree had revived, and he’d noticed just the day before that it bore one perfect lemon. I juiced it, and, of course, it yielded exactly the amount of juice needed for the recipe. I finished mixing my dish and popped it in the oven while I jumped in the shower to get ready. Another crisis averted! I was really starting to like this “Life working FOR me” thing.

Life was not finished with me just yet.

As I was getting dressed, I noticed my pants were a bit baggy…YAY! I remember thinking that I wished I had a pair in the next smaller size to try. Too bad. As I was looking for the perfect Thanksgiving blouse, I noticed a bag on the floor in the back of my closet. What was that? I looked inside and found three pairs of pants in the next smaller size. What?! I never bought these and didn’t remember where they came from. I quickly found a pair that fit nicely.

Life is working FOR me…I repeated it over and over as Joe and I drove to see my Dad in his new “home.” While the visit was far from the holidays I remember in the past, I can truly say I enjoyed it. I consciously stayed in the moment with him, where he was mentally and physically at that time, and accepted it for the gift that it was: another Thanksgiving with my Dad.

The rest of the day flowed beautifully, and we had a fun day feasting with family, laughing, and telling stories that began with, “Back in our day…” to our adult children. As I related my amazing few days to my sister, she reminded me that she had given me the bag of smaller pants a year earlier. I had totally forgotten! The news just added to the magic of the day.

A free pumpkin pie, a lemon, and even smaller pants couldn’t beat the miracle of accepting my Dad where he was and truly being grateful for the gift of another day with him on the planet.

I get it. I really get it. Life IS working FOR me, and whenever I open my eyes, I see it in action. And Life is working for you too. And each of your family members, and your neighbors, your boss and every single person who is currently feeling frustrated by life. They just don’t know it yet.

Now will you have lemons and pants magically appear just when you need them? I’m not sure of that, but I am sure you’ll handle any situation better when you remember “Life is working FOR you.” And yes, even painful and challenging life events will be easier to weather.

Remember to Remember

So how can you remember that “Life is working FOR you?” Begin by saying it over and over as a mantra or affirmation. Say it in the morning when you get out of bed. Let it be the last thought you have a night and repeat it as many times in between as you can remember throughout the day.

Keep a note taped on your bathroom mirror. Make “Life is working FOR me” scroll across your computer screen. Put the phrase in your car where you’ll see it often and use it.

The key with this concept is to accept that Life is working for you and everyone else without trying to figure out the how. That’s not your job. Yours is to trust the Divine Source that creates life itself, makes the sun rise, the tides come in and the flowers bloom is orchestrating all on your behalf whether you understand it or not.

When you trust that all is ultimately working for your benefit, your perspective instantly changes. You relax. You can weather situations more easily and with more clarity. Instead of feeling like a victim, you open up to possibilities. Again, believing Life is on your side doesn’t exempt you from sadness, grief or tragic events. It does help you see with more loving eyes, hear with more loving ears and feel with a more open loving heart.

Life is working FOR me. What a concept!