Buying Gifts, Being Present and Losing My Car in the Parking Lot

It happened. AGAIN.

Recently I rushed into a local store to grab one more gift, which I found quickly. “YES!” I thought as I ran out the door, ready to jump in my car and head to the office. Then it happened. Again.

I realized I had been so focused on maximizing my time and locating this last item, that I had completely forgotten where I parked! Yeah, it sounds funny. Come June I may be able to laugh about it, but as I aimlessly wandered the parking lot, it was a windy 25-degree day. Not. Fun.

Between my momentary panic and the chill, at least I was wide awake! (I figured that was a plus.)

Here’s what I learned, or I should say, remembered. As much as we all want to enjoy the holidays, we miss out when we’re not fully present. As I reached my car and started to drive away, I wondered who did I miss seeing because I was so preoccupied? Did I walk past an old friend or neighbor and miss my chance to offer a holiday hug? I know I missed fully connecting with the salesperson who cheerfully helped me. Then I began to wonder if, in my haste to check off one more thing from my “to do list,” did I even miss infusing real love, thought and meaning into the gift I purchased?

It was a lot to think about.

And a good reminder for me to be more present, even in the craziness of the holidays. When I do remember, I always enjoy a more meaningful celebration of family, friends and a happier experience of the season.

Now that really is a great present.

How to Stay Present in a Crazy World!

I'm not one to contradict Buddha...but I sometimes struggle with the statement above. Do you?

I've studied ancient spiritual wisdom as well as the teachings of modern mystics and they all mention the value of "being present." I understand the concept. To me, being present is having your full focus, attention, thoughts and feelings on the person or situation right there, in the moment you are experiencing.

Yeah, that's easy enough to do. 

Not. Even. Close.

I mean, come on...do those mystics deal with family issues, car accidents, health scares and financial problems? These are just a few of the real-life events clients talked with me about last week. They’re facing challenges and doing their best to live from their own divine core while they face the uncertainly of life as a human.

That’s exactly what mystics do. They understand our challenge is to be anchored in love while we live our daily lives. Why? The rewards include less stress, more confidence, a feeling of being in flow with life and feeling “on purpose.” Add to that a happier, more joyful life experience, a sense of oneness and desire to be in service all while enjoying a sense of deep peace. And there’s more…people who consistently live in the present moment have described feeling “more freedom.”

I know when I’m focused on the present moment, I’m free of stress created by my relentless rehashing of the past and free from worry about the future. That’s when I’m best able to align with my inner wisdom, and fully receive the guidance that leads me to the life I’m here to live. I’m guided to love, to service and back to the truest part of me.

Is that easy? While I believe it can be, it hasn’t been for me.

I have a long way to go to consistently be present and yet I’m daily reaping the rewards of my efforts. A life dedicated to love is far happier than the one I used to live that seemed to be dedicated to stress, overwhelm and worry. Go figure…

If you want to be more present, here are a few tips to try:

·       Commit to a daily spiritual practice: I recommend starting the day with what I call “the 3 M’s” to incorporate mind, body and spirit. Total time spent is up to you…start with a few minutes on each and work up to a more substantial routine. Yes, you have time for this:

.1.     Meditation:  Even starting with five to ten minutes a day can make a huge difference in your ability to feel calm, happy and more present in your life. If you’re new to meditation, check out free apps like CALM or INSIGHT TIMER.

.2.     Motivate: Turn off the news, put down your phone and read or listen to something that inspires and motivates you. I start the day with the daily lesson from A Course in Miracles plus time reading an inspiring book.

.3.     Move: Stretch, do a few yoga poses, walk or go up and down the stairs to bring awareness to your body first thing in the morning.

·       Ask questions when you feel overwhelmed or stressed in a situation. Questions could include:

.1.     What do I really know to be true, right now, in this moment? Is that really true?

.2.     What’s it like to be me in this situation at this instant? What would it be like to be a happier, more peaceful and trusting version of me right now?

.3.     Where are my feet? (I love this one that I learned from my mentor, Robert Holden. It brings me out of your head and back into my body every time.)

·       Get back to nature: Any time it’s possible, take a mindful walk in nature. Relax. Breathe. If that’s not possible, bring fresh flowers into the house or office, pet your cat or take a break and look at nature photos. All will help shift your brain chemistry and bring you into the present. Whatever you do, be mindful of the activity and give it your full attention and focus.

·       Heart Breath: My number one way to be present is to imagine breathing in and out of my heart space. I teach clients to breathe love in the back of their heart and radiate love out of the front. Start with at least five repetitions.

There are few things in life as sweet as finding your balance, experiencing joy in small moments and feeling at peace about the past and future. Learning to live in the present moment does this and more. Still need a bit of help? Ask Love to guide you.

The Holidays are in FULL SWING...So is the STRESS!

The Thanksgiving turkey is now a faint memory which can only mean one thing…the holidays are ON!

What are you expecting this holiday season?

• Frantic shopping and spending more than you planned?
• Indulging in too much food and drink resulting in extra pounds and lots of guilt? 
• Hectic schedules that only create more stress and feelings of overwhelm?
• Waaay to much time with the friends and relatives who get on your last nerve?

Sounds fun, doesn’t it? Of course not! These results usually occur when we forget to go within and ask Love (God, Universe, Spirit) for guidance. Make this year different.You could experience a truly divine holiday with just a little planning and intention. 

Here are a few tips on how to connect to your inner wisdom (divine voice of love) to enjoy the season:

Gift giving: think about the goal of the gift. Is it to reward or recognize an employee or coworker? Show your love to a child? Demonstrate your appreciation to a loved one? Participate in a gift giving party activity? Ask yourself, “what am I trying to show with this gift?” 

Next imagine the recipient, close your eyes, take a deep breath in, relax and simply ask, “show me the perfect gift for ___.” You may get an image, hear an ad for a specific product, get the idea to bake or make your gift, give a charitable donation in their name or offer an experience (dinner, concert, drive in the country) as your present. Take your time and allow the answer to come. This may even take a day or two. Remember you have a choice. You can be overrun by our consumer culture or be guided by love in your gift giving. 

Over indulging: what is it about the holidays that implies you must eat and drink yourself silly? Stop. Set a silent intention before the party or trip to the grocery store. The reminder here is to stay present with how your body feels. Stick to your drink limit and be aware when you feel full. If you’re going to be in a social situation for a few hours, simply pace yourself. Say no to offers of additional drinks and food that you know makes you feel uncomfortable afterwards. It’s OK to politely refuse to indulge when you know you’ve had enough. At the grocery store stick to your list and when that all too tempting goodie appears at the end of the aisle (like you know it will) ask yourself, “do I really want this or am I just responding to clever product placement?” Feel your answer. Act accordingly.

Hectic schedules leading to stress and overwhelm: here’s the BIG SECRET everyone forgets about holiday schedules. YOU ARE IN CHARGE OF YOUR SCHEDULE. Yes, I know you simply must make it to the neighbor’s party and it’s on the same day as that work thing which is right after the school play…guess what? The way to truly enjoy the holidays is to be more intentional about what you do and where you go. Period. Yes, that means you could SKIP some of those events! How do you decide? Tap into your inner wisdom and ask, “Which activities will bring me joy and allow me to bring joy to others?” It’s that easy. Of course, you want to attend a child’s play and see your beloved Aunt Elna and Uncle Bill for brunch but be more discerning about where and why you choose activities. Ask Love to help you! Think of it this way. Is it more important to attend more activities and feel resentful and stressed or fewer events that you truly enjoy? It’s an easy choice if you let it be.

Waaay too much time with friends and relatives who get on your last nerve: Love’s got you covered here as well! You probably know which people tend to trigger you. Before you interact with them, ask Love questions like, “How can I see ____ differently? Show me the lesson here? How can I be more at peace with this relationship?” A few days before that big, uncomfortable holiday family event you could sit quietly, go within and journal the responses you get to your questions. Above all, go into these situations with a loving attitude and intention to enjoy yourself.

Now this doesn’t sound too hard, does it? Just a few more tips to help this holiday be your best:

• Remember to get enough rest, stay hydrated and eat your veggies! Yes, have some of the holiday stuff but don’t forget the basics of self care.
• If you don’t think you have time to meditate, that’s a sure sign to double your efforts! This is a practice that will not only help you feel more connected to the divine within, but you’ll feel connected to the meaning of the season and to your loved ones even more.
• Give yourself a break. Forgive yourself and others when things don’t go the way you planned. Allow the divine to come into to every situation and look for the love there.

Now go forth and enjoy the next few weeks! When you feel unsure, stuck or at a loss remember to go within and ask, “Love, what do you want me to know here?”

A Thanksgiving Story: What If Life is Working FOR You?

This Thanksgiving story is from my book, "How to Choose Love When You Just Want to Slap Somebody", and it’s one of my favorites. I hope you enjoy a beautiful holiday!

Consider this: Life is working FOR me. Life is working FOR me? What a concept! Have you looked at my life? All the petty inconveniences of life like missing car keys, being late for work, only finding one sock, PC crashes — as well as the struggles, pain, and loss—all working FOR my benefit? And the benefit of others? How could that be? As long as I was focused on the drama of the day, this certainly didn’t seem possible. When I consciously choose love as my guide, however, it’s an accepted - and expected - way of life. It took an interesting trail of events to help me realize the truth of this statement. Here’s how it happened.

I’ve been contemplating this very principle and working (yes, working…it didn’t come easily) to allow myself to truly believe that whatever happened, appeared to happen, or looked like it might happen was all for my ultimate good. When discussing this with a few close friends, several had the same question: “Are you nuts?”

Regardless of my skeptical buddies, I was determined to explore the idea. I must admit it was much more of a challenge than I anticipated.

I had been introduced to this theory several years ago in the writings of Louise Hay. I had just begun to discover metaphysical/spiritual literature then and was reading everything I could to understand how my actions and thoughts did indeed create my own experience. This little gem of wisdom must have slipped through the cracks, only to be reintroduced when I attended a five-day “Coaching Success” program with Dr. Robert Holden in New York.

In the safe but intense environment of Robert’s workshop, we delved into the meaning of success, happiness, and yes, the concept that “Life is working FOR you” and how shifting your belief to accept this can positively shift your experience of life. It was a busy, fun, and eye-opening five days! All this was well and good and totally believable as long as I was in the group environment with like-minded folks who were willing to give it a shot too. Then I went home.

I’ll never forget the next several days—when I first realized Life was working FOR me. Robert’s program had ended on the Sunday evening before Thanksgiving 2012, and I spent that evening relishing the new concepts I’d learned and how I’d incorporate them into my coaching practice. I boarded the train home on Monday, still full of excitement. The next two days were filled with clients as I played “catch up” in the office after being gone for a week.

In a moment of “Why did I do that?” I suddenly realized on Wednesday that I had volunteered to bring a pumpkin pie to my brother’s house, where my family would gather for our Thanksgiving feast. Maybe I was nuts! I’d just come back from a week of training and was working long hours to see a week’s worth of clients in two days. Now yes, I could have purchased a pumpkin pie from the grocery store, but I had gone into great detail with my family about the merits of my recipe and how we simply must have a homemade pie. My sister really should have stopped me, but she didn’t. Now I was fretting over the stupid pie, and anyone who understands the importance of a good pumpkin pie to the overall success of Thanksgiving knows this was close to a full blown crisis.

Then I remembered.

What if Life was working for me? Yeah, I had momentarily forgotten my new mantra: “Life is working FOR me!” OK, it’ll all work out I thought. I surrendered to this truth and decided I’d finish with my clients and proceed to the store. At that point, I’d assess how tired I was and either purchase a “store bought” pie or the ingredients to make one. I felt the stress leave my body.

Then it happened—my first miracle. One of my favorite clients came in for her session bearing a huge pumpkin pie made by our local five-star bakery. This was the same pie that had been awarded “Washington DC Area’s Best Pumpkin Pie” only days before by a respected regional magazine. Oh yeah, crisis averted! While the irony and timing wasn’t lost on me, I, being human, still needed a bit more convincing.

By Thanksgiving morning, I was in a panic as I prepared for what would be a new tradition for my family. After a year of serious health issues, my Dad was now living in a memory support unit at a local assisted living facility and unable to travel even short distances to be with the family for Thanksgiving. Mom died a few years before and I wanted to see my Dad on our favorite holiday. I was determined to see him in the morning, but I still needed to prepare my side dish for the dinner I would share with my husband, adult children, brother, sister, and their families. Of course I was running late. I’m a “planner” and had meticulously planned every minute of the morning to coordinate all my activities but failed to schedule time for “issues.” Suddenly the ultimate planner was having issues!

I was working on the side dish I was slated to bring to dinner along with my fabulous pumpkin pie when disaster struck again…no lemon juice. Crap! We live almost 15 miles from a grocery store, and there was simply no time to make the trek to town, purchase lemon juice, get back to the house, prepare the dish, go see Dad, and get to my brother’s in time. Now I know to the untrained eye, this looks far from a disaster, but to a stressed, overwhelmed working woman, this is just the tiny issue that can put us over the edge. To add to my stress, I had chosen a recipe from a friend who had died two years before as a way of including her in our celebration. So I probably pissed off a dead woman by forgetting the lemon juice. What was I thinking?

I took a deep breath and repeated “What if Life is working FOR me?” several times until I truly felt a sense of peace and acceptance. I knew whatever came would be perfect for all involved (living or dead). Within minutes, my husband, Joe, appeared in the kitchen and asked how I was doing. 

I told him my recipe was “ruined” because I had failed to buy lemon juice. He looked puzzled, and then with a gleam in his eye he said “I’ll be right back!” Within five minutes he was back in the kitchen with one perfect fresh lemon!  “It’s November in Virginia…. where did you get that?” I asked in amazement. He reminded me that my friend Robin had given me a lemon tree the previous April for my birthday. He’d noticed it wasn’t doing well in my office and had taken it to his private sanctuary, “Manland,” which is in a building separate from our house.  I never go there—it is Manland after all. The lemon tree had revived, and he’d noticed just the day before that it bore one perfect lemon. I juiced it, and, of course, it yielded exactly the amount of juice needed for the recipe. I finished mixing my dish and popped it in the oven while I jumped in the shower to get ready. Another crisis averted! I was really starting to like this “Life working FOR me” thing.

Life was not finished with me just yet.

As I was getting dressed, I noticed my pants were a bit baggy…YAY! I remember thinking that I wished I had a pair in the next smaller size to try. Too bad. As I was looking for the perfect Thanksgiving blouse, I noticed a bag on the floor in the back of my closet. What was that? I looked inside and found three pairs of pants in the next smaller size. What?! I never bought these and didn’t remember where they came from. I quickly found a pair that fit nicely.

Life is working FOR me…I repeated it over and over as Joe and I drove to see my Dad in his new “home.” While the visit was far from the holidays I remember in the past, I can truly say I enjoyed it. I consciously stayed in the moment with him, where he was mentally and physically at that time, and accepted it for the gift that it was: another Thanksgiving with my Dad.

The rest of the day flowed beautifully, and we had a fun day feasting with family, laughing, and telling stories that began with, “Back in our day…” to our adult children. As I related my amazing few days to my sister, she reminded me that she had given me the bag of smaller pants a year earlier. I had totally forgotten! The news just added to the magic of the day.

A free pumpkin pie, a lemon, and even smaller pants couldn’t beat the miracle of accepting my Dad where he was and truly being grateful for the gift of another day with him on the planet.

I get it. I really get it. Life IS working FOR me, and whenever I open my eyes, I see it in action. And Life is working for you too. And each of your family members, and your neighbors, your boss and every single person who is currently feeling frustrated by life. They just don’t know it yet.

Now will you have lemons and pants magically appear just when you need them? I’m not sure of that, but I am sure you’ll handle any situation better when you remember “Life is working FOR you.” And yes, even painful and challenging life events will be easier to weather.

Remember to Remember

So how can you remember that “Life is working FOR you?” Begin by saying it over and over as a mantra or affirmation. Say it in the morning when you get out of bed. Let it be the last thought you have a night and repeat it as many times in between as you can remember throughout the day.

Keep a note taped on your bathroom mirror. Make “Life is working FOR me” scroll across your computer screen. Put the phrase in your car where you’ll see it often and use it.

The key with this concept is to accept that Life is working for you and everyone else without trying to figure out the how. That’s not your job. Yours is to trust the Divine Source that creates life itself, makes the sun rise, the tides come in and the flowers bloom is orchestrating all on your behalf whether you understand it or not.

When you trust that all is ultimately working for your benefit, your perspective instantly changes. You relax. You can weather situations more easily and with more clarity. Instead of feeling like a victim, you open up to possibilities. Again, believing Life is on your side doesn’t exempt you from sadness, grief or tragic events. It does help you see with more loving eyes, hear with more loving ears and feel with a more open loving heart.

Life is working FOR me. What a concept!

The Surrender Rock

I often know exactly how to approach an issue. What coaching technique to use, which book to read, who to call for advice or the perfect website that holds all my answers. And sometimes I don’t. I don’t have a clue. Not even a little one. That’s when I use my “Surrender Rock.”

On my desk is a river rock that I selected and on top I carefully wrote “This I Surrender to God.” When I simply can’t see a solution to an issue, or at least one I want to consider, I note my issue or concern on an index card, fold it in half and place it under my rock. It’s sort of my mailing system to God. Yes, I certainly pray about (and for) the people I love, world issues and other problems but sometimes I’ve learned I have to move aside and allow God the space to take care of the issue.

Sometimes I’m working too hard on a solution, and I find the answers aren’t coming easily. There’s no flow. The energy is stuck. Usually, it’s MY energy that’s stuck as I continue to push ahead, demanding an answer, an answer that I agree with, to appear. Often I think I’m just blocking the Divine Plan and I need to get out of the way. I need to hand the issue over to God and let Him take care it. When I do, miracles happen. I had a little miracle just this week in fact.

I’ve been working to upgrade my website and use my social media platforms more effectively. Over the weekend, I was frantically trying to understand a graphics marketing program that I’ve been told is very simple. Evidently, it’s simple for everybody but me. 

While I was exploring the program, I was overwhelmed with everything on my “to do” list. Thanksgiving is at our house this year; my nephew is getting married two days later and 24 hours after that, I leave for a two week business trip to London. All great events, but the added stress was getting to me. In desperation I muttered, “God, you gotta take care of this. I’ll learn how to do this after the first of the year, but until then I’m giving this one to you.” Under the rock my problem went. And I forgot about it. 

Within 24 hours, I got an email from a client saying she was playing around with this same graphics program and wondered if she could create some content for me – for free – so she could build a portfolio. “Why YES YOU CAN,” I thought as I looked at my Surrender Rock.

Not all my issues are handled as quickly as this one. And sometimes I never find out how the issue or problem evolved or if it got “solved” as I’d expected. When I surrender the problem to God and get out of His way; I trust the Divine is working behind the scenes in ways I could never orchestrate, and miracles happen. I like miracles.

Do you have any problems or issues that could use a Divine touch? Find yourself a rock.