What's your word for 2018?

I've often heard my friends say they pick a specific word to guide their journey at the beginning of each new year. I've never done that. At least not consistently or consciously. I'd pick a word that I thought sounded intellectual and oh, so spiritual to respond to my friends queries when asked. But I can't say I was dedicated to living from my word. Until now.

I have a word. And it was given to me by my inner divine voice.

Yep, that's where it came from. I was in meditation, minding my own business, being lost in the vast nothingness of the "all," when I heard - yes, HEARD - "Your word is expansive."

"Ugh, what?" I thought. But it was clear. Expansive is my word. But what did it mean for me?

And that came as well. In a flood of images, feelings and a strange knowingness it all came in. 

I'm dedicating my year to more consistently tapping into the creative, intelligent, expansive divine spirit within to expand in all areas of my life. 

I'm expanding into love, understanding, compassion and peace. 

I quickly found out that my ego is still very much in play as my immediate thought was, "OMG! I don't want everything to expand! My belly doesn’t need to get any bigger!" Silly ego.

I had to start again. I had to remind myself that the divine within wasn't trying to "trick" me into gaining weight, losing friends or becoming too "woo woo." That's all ego stuff.

I think my opportunity is to learn to expand beyond my usual self judgement, fear and worry. To really allow myself to expand into the consciousness of love as my guide in daily life. 

And when I fall short of that goal, I’ll choose again.

Got Me Again….

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My husband loves to point out situations where my words don’t match my actions. He finds this highly entertaining and endlessly amusing. I do not.

While this doesn’t happen often, I appreciate his insight. Eventually at least. I fully intend to “walk my talk” and I’m disturbed when I find I’ve missed the mark in some area.

And that’s what happened. I missed the mark. I didn’t follow my own advice and trust that everything was happening for my highest and best. I didn’t take an action that I’d committed to.

I put something off, procrastinated, masterfully avoided and side stepped an issue. And I did it for months. I know better. This is exactly what my clients pay me to stop them from doing.

What was the potential foe I was so afraid of?

Upgrading a stupid computer program.

Yeah, I know it’s crazy. My husband had upgraded and was delighted but one friend had experienced a big issue that lost her several days of work. I was scared.

And I put it off. Again and again.

I signed up for the free upgrade as my husband suggested, but I ignored prompt for the upgrade the multitude of times it was offered.

I got little pop-up screens saying “We’ve got your upgrade ready! Start now…” but I didn’t. Finally, after months of prompting, I got a notice stating “Upgrade will begin Wednesday at 11pm.”

Hmmm….guess even my computer gets tired of being put off. Although I was beyond hesitant, I followed the directions and allowed the upgrade to take place. The result?

Glorious! I freakin’ love this program!

What the heck was my problem?

Oh yeah….I remember.

Instead of “trusting that everything is happening for my highest and best” as I so loudly preach to others, I had allowed myself to get caught in the drama of “what ifs?”

“What if I lose everything on my computer?”

“What if the new program creates issues and I lose productive office time?”

“What if I don’t like the new changes?”

So this was the real kicker. I’ve spent the last six months telling friends, family and my clients that CHANGE IS GOOD.

I explained that the intelligent divine energy that created our universe is constantly seeking to expand, grow and create anew. Change is part of the plan. And, in retrospect, most of the time we can ultimately appreciate the change. We just have to get past our fear of the unknown. The unknown and the “what ifs.”

Maybe I need to remind myself of a couple other “what ifs.”

“What if this change is fantastic?”

“What if I love the result?”

OK, Universe...message received. I’ll go wipe the egg off my face now.

At least my husband is amused.