Dear Ego…I QUIT!

It hit me a while ago. I figured out why my life doesn’t work the way I know it “should” in certain scenarios.

Yes, I know all experience is part of our learning in this life and I respect that. I’ve grown exponentially from past events and both understand and appreciate their value.

But come on.

I recognize that, sometimes, I do something kinda stupid. Period.

Not because I’m ill informed, unprepared or because Mercury is in the dreaded Retrograde. I realized I do dumb things that were reactions to fear, stress or feelings of overwhelm. All territories of the ego.

So I quit.

I quit letting fear run my business, my health, my relationships. I decided I no longer wanted to consciously allow my ego to run my life or my business. I decided to, even more fully than ever before, submit to the intelligent, creative and expansive divine love within me.

If Love/Universe/Spirit/God can create galaxies, running the details of my life should be a piece of cake. I decided to be fully guided by Love. To be all in. I got out my journal and on the left side I wrote this letter:

Dear Ego,

I hereby immediately resign my position as your employee. I freely give up the worry, stress and overwhelm associated with my position.

I appreciate the learning I’ve received under your tutelage and recognize it has enabled me to see we are no longer a “good fit.”

While I’m sure we’ll see each other from time to time, please know I am totally and eternally in service to Love.

Diane L Haworth

So that felt AMAZING and I didn’t stop there. Next came my acceptance letter to Love:

Dear Love,

It is with much delight, relief and utter trust that I accept and fully commit to being in your service.

I commit to:

·       Loving myself

·       Loving all others

·       Being guided as you direct and taking action (whether I understand it or not)

·       Dedicating my life in service to Love

I am excited to walk in the path as you lead me.

Diane L Haworth

I felt fantastic! I had effectively “fired” the confused, scared and ineffective part of me and fully committed to the part that understands my entire life plan and how to live with the most joy, peace and freedom.

Although I had no preconceived idea of what would happen next – remember I’d just committed to being fully guided – miracles started to appear. Unforeseen opportunities, gifts, delightful surprises…all began, and continue, to appear.

Why?

Because I finally got out of the way. By inviting and allowing Love to lead I’m finding life is unfolding in beautiful ways I could never imagine.

Tired of living in the chaos of a life led by fear and your ego? Go get out your journal and start writing….

The Cowgirl Ballerina Teacher Nurse Me

Yep, that’s me. Diane Lynn Haworth, daughter of Stan and Mildred (aka “Pete”) Haworth, of Warrenton, Virginia around age four and a half. At this young age, I remember being very confident and feeling I had my life all figured out.

I knew exactly what I wanted and was well on the way to becoming a cowgirl ballerina teacher nurse. That was my plan. I would obviously marry a prince, live in a castle and have many babies.

And live happily ever after….

I’m so glad I didn’t know what life would really bring. At this tender age I hadn’t yet begun to doubt my direction or come under the paralyzing self judgement of adolescence. I was still a happy spirit, freely exploring the world.

So glad I didn’t know then that:

• my childhood would be rocked by my parent’s constant health issues which plagued them the rest of their lives
• I’d face many challenging years as a working mom when a record number of  women started to change the face of the American workforce
• it would take three tries to find my prince…and I never lived in a castle
• I’d be plagued by fertility issues and weight problems throughout my life
• I’d experience years of abuse, fear, loneliness and overwhelm

I’m glad I didn’t know all that then. I understand now that a crucial part of our life is the way we learn to navigate the boulders on our path. The truths we discover about ourselves and our world are the treasures of a life lived through challenge. We constantly face hurdles and either keep creating the same obstacles throughout life, or find a way around, through or over them.

I’m also glad I didn’t know that:

• my kids would be my biggest joy in life and that every day with them as children, and now as adults, presents me with new opportunities for ever deepening love and happiness
• that the pain in my marriages ultimately gave me the biggest opportunity for deep, soul growth and I’m genuinely grateful for the men who were my teachers
• dealing with my parents’ ongoing health issues led to critical life lessons in patience, compassion and surrender
• accepting my body and the aging process is a rewarding journey when the gifts of the experience are embraced
• the work I love to do, spiritual life coaching, didn’t even exist when I was a kid
• love really is the answer to every life problem

I’m glad I didn’t know the twists and turns my life would take. My experiences are often clouded by what I expect to be “easy” or “hard,” “good” or “bad” ones. Not knowing allows reactions to be more real, the lessons can be learned at a deeper level and genuine joy can be even more expansive.

Now at age 60, I feel more like that little four and a half year old girl than I ever have. With my eyes and heart wide open, I believe I can do anything. Not because I don’t understand how life works, but because I do…or I’m at least starting to.

There’s time to be a cowgirl ballerina teacher nurse if I want to…I’m open to the surprises yet to come.

A Time of Rebirth

Spring has always been special for me. 

My beloved dogwood trees are blooming here in Virginia, the forest has begun to show her vibrant spring colors and the robins have started to appear after their winter vacation. I love spring. New beginnings. Rebirth. Physical, emotional and spiritual rebirth.

That’s what’s happening for me now.

I’m exploring yoga, working on a new high-performance coaching certification (which I’ll be offering later this year) and delving even deeper into my study of A Course in Miracles.

It’s always been easier for me to start a new path then to finish it. Commitment hasn’t always led to easy follow through. I procrastinate. Postpone. Find lots of distractions. Part of the high-performance techniques I’ve learned have helped me tremendously which is why I want to share them with others. 

I feel a new chapter starting for me and my family this spring… it’s exciting, scary and exhilarating all at the same time.

I feel a renewed passion for life which I attribute to three things. After several years, I feel the trauma of my dad’s passing is now behind me. While I miss him, the grief has shifted and I feel a level of healing I’ve not experienced before. My new grandson, Emory, has opened my heart in ways I couldn’t have imagined and I feel a deep need to contribute in new ways to help create a more loving world for him to grow up in. And I have a birthday coming up this week.

A big one.

It ends in a zero.

I used to think sixty was “getting up there.” Time to rock grandbabies, bake pies, spout wisdom…and wait for the end. What a difference a few decades make! My perceptions of aging started to change when a good friend gave me the book “You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise Hay. 

WOW!

Here was a woman who had faced overwhelming challenges and triumphed over each. Her life could easily be a blockbuster Lifetime movie! She’s become a living example for me in so many ways. While she had a fascinating life particularly in her forties and fifties, she did something extraordinary after that.

What did Louise do at sixty? Started Hay House which is now recognized as one of the leading new thought, self-development publishers on the planet. Some of my greatest insights, understandings and personal growth came from books, events and connections I’ve made thanks to Hay House. 

But Miss Louise didn’t stop there.

In the following decades, she took up organic gardening, painting and sculpture, ballroom dancing and continued to publish her own books, classes and programs. And for over twenty years continued to travel around the world appearing to thousands of delighted fans in numerous live events each year.

Now over ninety, she continues to inspire all who know her and her work.

Amazing.

Incredible.

And if Louise can do it, so can I.

So can you. So can anyone committed to growth and intending to have fun along the journey.

Here’s to spring. Our rebirth as individuals and in community. To us all beginning a new chapter, continuing to grow and to finding ways to love deeper and laugh more!

Thanks, Louise…