Write a Love Note to Yourself

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Ok, I know this may sound weird, especially around Valentine’s Day when we’ve been taught to buy flowers, candy and cards for the important folks in our lives. This holiday do something different. Write a love note to yourself.

Yes, be sure to let others know how important they are to you on Valentine’s Day and every day, for that matter. Just don’t stop there.

Too often we look for validation from others before we can accept what we like or admire about ourselves. I hope you have very loving and supportive people in your life. You need to be on your support team.

If you’re like most people, you’re quick to reprimand yourself and constantly remember every little mistake while you hyper focus on what you don’t like about yourself. Self-reflection is healthy, repeatedly beating yourself up is not.

Do this. Get a beautiful card with an image that resonates with you and take the time to write yourself a note. A handwritten note. Yes, I know this takes longer but spending time on this exercise enhances the benefit. Trust me.

I’ll give you some content suggestions and then we’ll discuss your next step.

The note to you could be:

· A list of ten things you admire about yourself. Think of personality traits, acts of kindness and causes you believe in. Yes, you can mention your beautiful eyes, but think about what’s in your heart. What do you like about the type of person you are?
· A note congratulating yourself on how far you’ve come and what you’ve learned from your  challenges. Celebrate your successes here!
· A note to your younger self giving the advice you wish you’d have known 20 years ago. Think big picture and concentrate on what’s surprised you and gone better than you expected.

Carve out some time when you can be undisturbed. Decide on the type of note you’ll write. Get your card, sit down, shut your eyes, take a couple deep breaths and connect to your heart. Write what you feel from a place of healthy self-love.

Now for the fun part! When you’re satisfied with your letter, close and seal it. Put your name on the front. Next, choose one of the ideas below and take the action:

· Put the sealed letter in an area of the house you won’t see for a while. Perhaps with the old photo albums you never see until the family reunion July 4th weekend. You could put it on top of your Christmas decoration box.
· Address the envelope to yourself, stamp it and give it to a friend. Ask them to mail it to you whenever it feels right for them to do so.
· Put the sealed envelope in a dresser drawer and add this note to the front: “open New Year’s Day.” Or pick another day that has significance for you.

Think of this as a scared gift from your soul.

When the note shows up in your life, read and enjoy!

I’ve done this myself with magical results. I wrote my note and months later, the envelope arrived at exactly the time I needed encouragement. It was amazing! I had completely forgotten what I’d written and the message was perfect for what I was going through at the time. The Universe delivered the message I most needed through my own words. Incredible.

I know you have lots to do. But do this. Love yourself enough to take a few minutes and reflect on what you love about yourself. Celebrate your success. Embrace the beautiful unique spark of God you are.

Now go find that card….

Fell Off My Unicorn Again…Hate When That Happens

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I have friends who are supportive of my work, but worry I’m “a bit out of touch” with reality. Too “woo woo”. Even naïve. They think I’m “riding unicorns over rainbows” and I need to get my head out of the clouds.

I respect their opinion, but I don’t agree.

I have found that exploring my own spiritual path and teaching about it does come with some special challenges.

It’s not easy facing life’s twists and turns. That’s when I fall off my unicorn, but I’ve learned to get up when life knocks me down, brush myself off and saddle up again. Sometimes it’ll take longer than others to get up. Sometimes I’m down a looooong time. But I get up. Eventually.

Let’s be clear on one thing. I don’t like falling off my unicorn.

Annoying, frustrating and scary things happen. And I still choose to trust everything is happening for the highest and best of all.

During these times is when I remember:

· I believe that God/Universe/Source/Creator is the eternal, intelligent, creative energy of love.
· I choose to see God in everyone and in every situation, whether I understand it or not.
· I believe that all human beings are created from the same Divine energy of love, which makes us “all one.”
· All creatures are from the same Divine source. (Even spiders and snakes.)
· No individual is greater than, or less than, any other.
· The Universe is always working for the highest and best of all.
· Our goal is to recognize the Divine within and live from that space in human form, as best we can.
· Love transforms the energy of fear and is more powerful than hate.

What if every person, place and situation in our lives gave us the opportunity to choose how we’ll be in the world? That doesn’t mean it’s an easy choice. It’s heartbreaking to see a loved one suffer with a terminal disease, watch a family deal with the loss of a child or see the effects of long term physical pain.

Believing that good can come from even the most horrific situation doesn’t mean I ignore the human suffering that it causes. I do believe the way to help others, and myself, is to look at life through the eyes of love to find helpful actions.

“What does love look like here? Love for myself and love for others?” is the inquiry I use when a challenge arises. And most importantly I ask, “How does love move me forward?”

Using love as a filter does not mean you deny that the pain or suffering exists. It simply gives you direction on how to proceed.

While I haven’t always reacted with love, that’s my intention now. I’m not even sure what that means in all situations. I just do my best and keep going forward.

I invariably get stuck. And I start over by asking, “What does love look like here? How does love move me forward?”

Maybe that does make me seem naïve. I’m OK with that.

Time to get back on my unicorn….

Top Five Things I Learned from the “Zombie Snow Apocalypse 2016”

Last week here on the U.S. East Coast, over 70 million people panicked as a “massive snow storm of historic proportions” was predicted for nearly a week before the first flake fell last Friday. We were told to prepare to lose power and to be stuck in place for up to a week. We panicked, right on cue.

I went to the grocery store, mid-day mind you, a full 48 hours prior to the weather event and witnessed people running around in horror like an army of the undead was circling the town preparing to feast on the chubby village folk. The food shelves were sparse, but I managed to get my essentials and returned to my car unscathed after waiting in the check-out line for nearly 30 minutes. While weathercasters dubbed the storm “Jonas,” it will always be the Zombie Snow Apocalypse of 2016 to me.

The weather guys got it right this time. The storm was a beast. In my area, about 50 miles southwest of Washington, DC, snow fell for nearly 36 hours straight dumping 30” around us. We typically don’t get that much snow in a year, much less at one time. To make matters worse, fierce winds between 35 – 50 miles an hour raged in the overnight hours sweeping the soft dry snow into massive drifts that trapped some people inside their home for days.

It was an interesting weekend. We never lost power so we could watch the storm from the perspective of our home as well as see news reports and the social media accounts of our friends. Everything was closed as government officials warned the public to stay put so roads could safely be cleared. Since I drive a Prius and my husband has a Mini-Cooper, we’re not on the roads much in the snow. Staying put was not a problem.

Now that the snow has passed, I thought I’d share the Top Five Things I Learned from the Zombie Snow Apocalypse 2016:   
 
1) Most people want to be of service. Over and over again, I saw people going above and beyond to dig out neighbors, walk through high snow drifts to rescue animals and offer help to strangers. To me, this is “love in action.”   

2) People need to feel “connected” to others. It was heartwarming to see how many people were checking on each other, posting snow photos and creating funny videos to share during the storm. Besides the occasional, “Do you SEE how hard it’s snowing out there?” my husband kept uttering, “OMG! Did you see this on Facebook?” I had texts and messages from friends in other parts of the world checking to see if we were safe and had power. Prayers and love were being sent to everyone enduring “Jonas.” Especially to the snow removal crews, police and emergency workers who were battling the elements. It’s true. “We are all one,” especially in emergencies.

3) Communication is key, and humor helps! No matter how much you adore another person, being snowbound together, and not knowing for how long, can be a challenge. Sprinkle in some fear (did you see those roofs collapse on TV?) and consume lots of bad-for-you-no-good sugary foods (everyone knows boredom + stress = sugar cravings) and the result can be frazzled nerves. After many years of marriage, my husband and I were both aware of potential pitfalls and were honest with our feelings. We communicated what we needed from each other. Being honest made the event fun instead of frustrating. And we felt free to be playful, even goofy. Here’s a goofy example: my husband shoved a plastic white shark toy into the snow and staged “snow shark” photos including one with his fuzzy bear hat attacking the shark, all for the amusement of his Facebook friends. Goofy and fun can definitely help pass the time during a snow storm.

4) People think they’re “funny” sending warm weather wishes. Oh, I’m not communicating clearly. This is what I mean to say: Hey, so happy you’re in sunny Hawaii, the Caribbean, Florida or freakin’ Australia enjoying beautiful sunshine and warm beaches. The first 100 photos you sent were cool, you know, the ones with the captions “wish you were here” but enough already. Yes, we’re posting lots of snow pictures and writing blogs, but this was an historic storm that even shut down Washington, DC for days. And to those who keep posting “I’m so jealous of the snow” from their beach chairs…no, no you’re not. We all know you’re not.

5) Parents of school aged children are the most fun to follow on social media. Our kids are grown so it was fun to watch posts start out from young parents saying things like “Can’t wait to build a snowman with our adorable crew.” A couple days in, messages became, “Kids are getting restless, but we’re having a wonderful adventure.” By day four I saw posts like, “FOR GOD’S SAKE SEND A DOG SLED LOADED WITH WINE!! I CAN’T TAKE THIS MUCH LONGER!”

Those precious parents are soooo cute. They’ll learn. Like we all have. No matter how bad the ice storm, or how deep the snow…spring is on the way.

All we have to do is hold on.

"Spiritual Crap"

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I’ve spent years deepening my spiritual practice through prayer, meditation, classes, retreats and self-exploration. I feel blessed to be on this path and I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that my life’s purpose is to help others discover the joy of spiritual connection.

Did that resonate with you? Or did you just think, “blah, blah, blah…it’s that spiritual crap again!”

I know, I know. Sometimes this “spiritual crap” doesn’t seem realistic. Someone told me once, “I want to be more spiritual, I want to know the Divine within, but how does that pay the bills? I hate my job and my spouse is a jerk. Tell God to take care of that stuff and I’ll have time to be more spiritual.”

Yep, I get that a lot.

The point of developing a life that’s connected to Divine spirit isn’t so much about what you get, but what you give. It’s in the giving that we receive.

Don’t shoot the messenger. I didn’t come up with this plan.

I’ve just seen it quietly at work in my own life and in the lives of my family and coaching clients. And it’s more awesome than you can imagine. It’s where the magic of life happens.

Here’s an example:

A woman gave a $200 donation to a tsunami relief fund to help a devastated community thousands of miles away. It was a huge amount to her and wasn’t in her budget, but she gave from an open and loving heart. Over the next few days, she prayed for those affected and imagined her money bringing clean water and fresh food to hungry children.

A week later, she was gifted a lottery ticket and won $2,000.

Whaaat????

Yeah, it can happen like that. And sometimes it doesn’t.

Sometimes you do something from a place of love and it feels like you got shoved into the dirt. Get up. Brush yourself off and stay connected to love. Real love, not the manipulative “I’m doing this because it helps me” kind of love.

Keep living from love, doing your best to be connected to spirit so it flows through all you do and say. Not because of what you’ll get, but because you want to be an instrument for Divine love in this world. That’s the goal of a spiritual life.

When you stay on that loving path, miracles start to find you. Your life becomes magical.

Just ask my sister.

After many years of struggle, her life is now filled with joy. She’s happier than I’ve ever seen her. She’s the one in the family who’s “always there” for any of us in a crisis…or any other time, for that matter.

In our family, she’s always the first:

- to meet you at the hospital emergency room and stay to drive you home
- help with the computer problem
- answer that weird tax question that everyone understands but you
- to answer the phone when you’re having a bad day and need to vent
- take a drive with you to clear your head
- come to every birthday, anniversary, holiday or “just because” family function, no matter where it is, or how much it costs to participate
- cheer on your every success, no matter how big or small
- encourage you in every way…especially when situations look impossible
- say “love you” at the end of text or phone conversations

She’s THAT one. The one everyone leans on, whether you need a shoulder to cry on or want someone to laugh at your stupid joke. Every generation in our family counts on her.

Her love and support is genuine and without expectations.

Is she spiritual? Yes, in every aspect of the word. She lives by allowing Divine love to flow through her actions and into the world. Has it always been easy? No. Like all of us, she’s had traumas, dramas and pain in her life. She makes mistakes. She chooses to live from love anyway.

What a joy to see what’s happened for her in this last year. She’s met the man of her dreams. Her prince. And she’s his princess. Spend time with them and hear their giggles, see the wide smiles and watch their eyes sparkle as they plan their future together which, of course, includes both families.

It’s like she hit the lottery. But not the one that pays money. It’s much more than that.

By connecting to her Divine spirit and living a life of loving service to others in the best way she knows how, she’s experiencing an abundant life. It’s filled with love, romance, security, fun, adventure....and magic.

I just love how this “spiritual crap” works.

Super Powers? Yeah, SUPER POWERS!

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A beautiful five year old boy named Christopher, looks his dad in the eye each morning and gives him the same instruction, “Remember your super powers today, Daddy!” Then off he goes to school.

Super powers? What in the world could this little fellow be referring to? Could he believe his dad has fantastic strength like Superman or a super intellect like Batman? Maybe. Could he be thinking of x-ray vision or the ability to fly? Probably not.

When I think of this dad, Robert, I think of his steady presence, kindness, wisdom and quick wit. Every time I’ve seen him, he’s appeared patient, curious, caring and genuinely interested in others.

Ohhh, now I get it! I understand his “super powers.”

Robert lives from Love.

To my mind, that’s more powerful than x-ray vision, flying and super strength combined! Just think what “powers” and benefits come with the ability to live from Love:

     · Forgiveness – forgiving yourself and others for past issues results in freedom from anger, frustration, victimhood and disease.

     · Trust – releases you from constant worry about the future and relieves you of the self-inflicted responsibility of controlling all aspects (and people) in your world.

     · Gratitude – energetically, when you feel truly thankful for anything in your life, you allow more good to flow to you. The result? You have more to be grateful for.

     · Presence – be in the NOW to experience life with a fresh, untainted perspective. New possibilities will emerge, challenges diminish and you’ll be more aware of the sweetness of life when you’re more fully in the moment.

     · Acceptance of others – learning to see individuals as unique expressions of Divine Love frees you from judgement of yourself and others. Do all problems disappear? Nope. But they get better when approached with understanding, respect and love.

     · Joy – my favorite super power! Keeping fear, overwhelm and judgement under control by tapping into the super powers mentioned above, energetically creates space in your life for play, peace, happiness and joy.

Do I think we’ll all have a perfect life if we choose to live from Love? No. But I believe the way we move through pain, sadness and grief will be significantly changed the more we experience life through the filter of Love.

Can we live from Love every minute of our lives? That’s my intention! Sometimes I fall short. Very short. When I don’t feel I’ve been as loving as I could, I forgive myself and keep going forward.

Thanks, Christopher, for reminding me that we all enjoy a fantastic life when we allow ourselves to live from Love.

Now that I’ve remembered my own super powers, I’m off to have fun. I’m going to play. Be silly. Feel free. And create even more to be grateful for while I live this life to the fullest.

Do Something You’ve Never Done

“If you want something you’ve never had, you must do something you’ve never done.”

This saying, attributed to Virginian Thomas Jefferson, is on a silver cuff bracelet I wear often. I absolutely love it and what it does for me.

When I decided to write my first book, I had a deep desire to give quick and easy stress reducing tips to people suffering from long term stress. These tools had helped me endure an extended family health crisis and I wanted to help others in similar situations.

I was passionate about my project and spent hours on research, developing my outline and writing content.

Then I got tired. Suddenly it wasn’t that fun anymore.

Writing a book is a lot of work! Day after day spent writing, rewriting, editing, proof reading and rewriting again…it was exhausting. And I still had a coaching business to run. The process was definitely not as much fun as I’d envisioned.

But I was still passionate about helping frustrated and overwhelmed people find relief. My original intention never changed.

That’s when Thomas Jefferson came to my rescue. Every time I was busy finding something else to do, I looked down at my bracelet and I knew I had to write. I had to do something different, something uncomfortable, something I’d never done before if I wanted to help my future readers and become a published author. I had to see this project through.

“If you want something you’ve never had, you must do something you’ve never done.”

I’d repeat this phrase over and over as I forced myself to sit back down at my desk and write. Thanks to Jefferson (and a fantastic support team) today I’m a published author and have had the privilege of helping others through my work.

In hindsight, I wouldn’t change a thing. Understanding I had to “do something I’d never done” to achieve my desired result has been a priceless life lesson. Every minute of work was worth it when I saw How to Choose Love When You Just Want to Slap Somebody on Amazon for the first time. It was amazing.

Everyone has a “special project” that they’ve always dreamed about. So what’s yours?

I guess the big question is, “What will you do that you’ve never done before to ensure your success?”

Captain D and the Doobie Brothers: A Story for Veterans Day

There it was. In the back corner of a jewelry box drawer, hidden under a ticket stub from a 1976 Doobie Brothers concert, I found the silver POW bracelet that I’d worn during my high school and college years. I’d spent a thousand hours staring at the name on the bracelet and wondering what was happening to the man it represented.

Back in those days, these bracelets were sold for a small fee to support the effort to locate and return U.S. prisoners of war from the Vietnam conflict. Once purchased, the owner vowed to wear the bracelet 24/7 until the fate of the soldier was known. I prayed for those returned, for those still missing, for those who served and made it home, for the families whose lives were forever changed. I prayed a lot. I didn’t know what else to do.

Prayers seemed to be answered one day when Captain D’s name appeared on the returned list that was printed in the newspaper. I was ecstatic! I felt connected to him in some way and was overjoyed he’d be returning to his family. I remember getting an official blue sticker with a white star and placed that next to Captain D’s name on the bracelet which signified his release. Since this was before the days of the internet, I never knew what became of “my” Captain D.

As the years progressed, I graduated, got married and started having kids. Every so often, the bracelet would surface in my jewelry box, still an important reminder of those years. Captain D, in bracelet form, moved with me nine times over 40 years around Virginia and was used as a “show and tell” item several times by my kids. When I moved the concert ticket and saw the bracelet, it was like finding an old friend.

But this time was different.

I decided to try and find Captain D and offer him the bracelet. A quick Google search led me to his February 2012 obituary detailing the life of this decorated war hero who continued a distinguished military career after he returned from Vietnam. I was suddenly sadder than I should have been, considering we’d never met. Perhaps I’d been triggered by the loss of my own dad only six months before. I wondered if the family might be interested in my treasure. I called the funeral home and explained my mission. A very pleasant woman told me they’d contact the family with my information. Within an hour I got a call from Steve in Nevada.

“That’s a weird number,” I thought as I answered my phone.

“Hi, my name is Steve and I’m the son of Captain D. The funeral home just called to say you had one of my dad’s POW bracelets and you’d like to give it to us?” My heart stopped and I felt my eyes start to well with tears. It was hard to speak but Steve was patient.

We started to talk and both became very emotional. We shared the pride we felt for our fathers, how we wished our children could have known them as we did and how we missed our dads being a steady presence in our lives. We shared like strangers do when they have no fear of judgment and speak freely from the heart.

“Why did you call the funeral home?” Steve asked. “I mean, why did you call today?”

“I was cleaning out a drawer and found it under an old Doobie Brothers concert ticket,” I explained. “What? You’re never going to believe this,” Steve said. “I’m driving to a doctor’s appointment and I had this craving to hear the Doobie Brothers. I’ve got it playing on my IPod right now!” We both laughed.

I got his address and told him I’d take a few days to compose a letter describing the bracelet’s journey the past 40 years and send it to him, which I did. In addition to those details, I wanted the family to know why this project had been so important to me. Here is a portion of what I shared with Steve:

My own father died several months ago and he was my hero. As a young soldier, he had been held for a time in a German POW camp during WWII and had nightmares about it until the day he died at age 88.  Although he ran a successful business for decades, was active in local politics and sat on many community boards, he was haunted by his war experiences. My mother’s brother was shot down over France in 1944 and my mom waited to find out what happened for nearly 30 years. Although I don’t presume to understand what you, your mother and family went through, I do know how war affected my family.

I bought this bracelet as a way to support POWs and their families and bring attention to their situation. I wore it everywhere and never took it off.   I remember scanning the newspaper every time “the lists” came out searching for your dad’s name.  I first scanned the returnee list, and when I didn’t find his name there, I’d check the deceased list hoping not to find him listed. I prayed for your dad and your family every day.  The day I saw Capt. D’s name on the returnee list, I was ecstatic and hoped he was returned unharmed.  I believe I remember wearing the bracelet for a couple years more to remember the other POWs and those who were still missing in action. I am so delighted your dad came home to you. I know you must have been a young boy at the time, but I hope it helps to know thousands of people were sending love and prayers to your dad and your entire family.

           

With my own dad’s passing, it’s been a comfort to hear stories from others about him, to find notes in his handwriting or long forgotten mementos buried in drawers. When I found this bracelet I felt compelled to give it to him, or a family member. I am sorry I didn’t find your dad before his death, but I’m happy to have found you. If this does end up with your son as you mentioned on the phone, please tell him his grandfather was admired and respected by those who sincerely appreciate his service to our country.  Please know how much I admire the sacrifices your mother made as a military wife.

I know this bracelet has now found its way home.

I sent the bracelet off to Nevada, happy to know the family would have this keepsake. Within a few days, I received a beautiful handwritten note from Steve. He said he was going to share my letter with his mom when she visited for Easter and planned to give the bracelet to his own son, now a proud member of the military who had just the week before asked about his grandfather’s career. My tears flowed again as I felt so grateful to be a small part of this family’s story.

It is just amazing to me the way life flows, bringing people and events together at just the right time. It’s funny…whenever I think of meeting Steve this way and the stories we shared, I hear “Listen to the Music” by the Doobie Brothers playing in the background.