How Inner Joy Blooms For All

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Life gave me another beautiful lesson this week. And, as usual, it came in an unexpected way.

I attended the visitation and grave-side funeral for my parent’s long time neighbor, who I’ll call “Mrs. Green”. For over 50 years, she’s lived just a couple doors down at the end of Dad’s street. While my intention was to pay tribute to Mrs. Green and support the family, I had no idea I would also be receiving inspiration and a shot of….joy.

Yeah, joy.

Not what I was expecting to experience at a funeral. But that’s what happened. You see, Mrs. Green was different.

She was a little thing who worked for many years in public service as part of a local government office. She loved to golf, entertain friends, sing in the church choir and spend countless hours in her beautiful rose garden. She was sweet to all the neighborhood kids, visited sick neighbors and supported local charities.

Sounds like a lot of nice little old ladies, right? Nope. She was different.

She wasn’t an “I’m doing this thing because it looks good” or “I have to be nice or I’m going to hell” kinda gal. She was genuine. She was kind. And she was always “smiling joy.”

Real joy.

She radiated joy.

I’m talking honest to God, sparkly-white-light-shining JOY.

Something struck me at the funeral as I heard various stories from family and friends about this lovely woman. Everyone mentioned the same things: she was always impeccably dressed with full make up and appropriate jewelry, she was healthy and active until the end; she kept a lovely home, was a masterful hostess and loved tending to her beautiful yard and magnificent rose garden. She was a steadfast friend and supportive, loving parent.

I suspected that Mrs. Green somehow knew something the rest of us didn’t.

Hmmmmm…..

It finally dawned on me. The love and respect she had for herself was what fueled the joy that was then reflected in her appearance, her health, her home, yard...in every aspect of her life. And that joy radiated to anyone else lucky enough to be in her world.

Mrs. Green was not a selfish person. I believe she simply understood we are all children of God and therefore deserving of love and respect. She was smart enough to understand we can’t give what we don’t have. So by creating a loving world for herself, she was able to share that joy with others. Many others.

She was a loving wife, mother, grandmother, friend…all because she must have known true love for others starts within our own heart. It starts by falling in love with the “spark of God” that is each one of us at our core.

WOW! Right in my own childhood neighborhood I’d discovered an example of the teachings I’d studied for years! Countless self-help books had discussed the practice I witnessed this lady live out as I’d observed her from the sidelines for over five decades.

After the service, I drove by Mrs. Green’s house and saw the manicured lawn, lush potted plants and the radiant rose garden. It was beautiful. It was a joy to behold.

As I drove by, I realized the roses had been her joyful gift to the neighborhood all these years. Her yard is a testament to the beauty of life, if we’re aware enough to see it.

I realized this must be how her inner joy blooms for all….

“I know what you’re going to say….”

My friends and I have a running joke. Although I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who thinks it’s funny.

Anytime anything – ANYTHING – goes wrong and my buddies call me, they know the first question I’ll ask and they immediately go on the defensive.

“My three-month-old-car needs a new transmission. I can’t believe it, I’m so mad! I know what you’re going to say…”

“My mother-in-law is driving me nuts! I can’t take her endless chatter. I know what you’re going to say…”

“I work with morons! You wouldn’t believe how they run this business! They just don’t get it! I know what you’re going to say…”

Yeah, they know what I’m going to say. “Have you been meditating?”

I know. At first glance you may not see the connection. You may not understand how it relates to everything that happens to you. But it does.

How could meditation help in the examples above, you wonder? Here’s a short explanation from my book “How to Choose Love When You Just Want to Slap Somebody”:

Why meditate? Countless medical, scientific and spiritual sources tout the benefits of consistent meditation. A few common benefits widely reported by people who consistently meditate include:

• Feeling happier and more at peace

• Increased social skills and feeling of “connectedness”

• “Stress eating” is reduced or eliminated thus overall weight is reduced

• Reduced events of “impulse buying” due to calmer thought patterns

• Lowered blood pressure and heart rate

• Muscles feel more relaxed (some say they even appear younger once meditation drains stress from the face!)

• Increased brain function: improved memory and greater clarity

• Increased pain tolerance

• Increased creativity and problem solving

• Reduced overall stress (and reaction to specific stress triggers) 

In what universe do you NOT want to be more peaceful, calm, happy and healthy? From that vantage point, life’s challenges are not only easier to understand, but it’s easier to see alternatives and navigate through the issue.

Does a meditation practice mean you can eliminate stress? No. It does mean you’re better equipped to handle whatever life brings your way. Life can be stressful. Meditation makes a positive difference in how you handle the stress.

After meditating for over 20 years, I can honestly say the quality of every aspect of my life has improved from this practice. I believe meditation is so fundamental in creating the foundation for a happy, healthy life that it’s the first thing I discuss with my coaching clients.

What about you? Are you or a loved one experiencing health issues? Work driving you crazy? Feel so frustrated you want to hit your head against a wall?

Let me ask you a question…have you been meditating?

Thanks A Lot, Eckhart Tolle…

                                                                 Source: Eckhart Tolle

So things in my life are starting to make sense. I mean, in the BIG picture, cosmic, my place in the Universe kinda way. I’ve been feeling pretty good in general. Yes, despite a few minor setbacks, life is good and I’m excited about my future.

Then one of my friends reposted this from Eckhart Tolle’s page on Facebook:

“Challenges are here to awaken you and even if you’re awakening, life continuously gives you challenges and then the awakening accelerates and deepens.”

So of course I type “Yes to this” in response to my buddy’s post. I want to look cool and all.

Then I think, “WHAAAT?!?!”

“Now wait a minute, Eckhart,” I say as I continue the conversation in my head. “You’re considered a spiritual master by many and we all know you’re super smart, but are you SURE about this? I mean, really, are you VERY, VERY SURE this is true?”

But I know he is.

No matter the heartache, regardless of how much we think we’ve suffered and despite how spiritual we are…no one in human form is exempt from life challenges. No one.

I think challenges are just part of this life thing. I don’t believe God “tests” us, but I do believe we encounter events, people and experiences that give us an opportunity to choose how we react.

We invariably have an opportunity to grow and deepen our understanding of this life, and what’s beyond. Although I can’t say I’m a big fan of challenges, I do see them differently than I used to. My reactions have shifted from what they’d have been even a few years ago. While I don’t always hit my mark, I do always intend to react from love and with love. And sometimes I can do just that. I’m starting to get it. The crazy part is, I’m starting to appreciate the process.

I’m not going to lie.

I still much prefer to learn from a joyful experience than a painful one. But I still learn. And most of all, I am deeply grateful for the lesson and learning that results.

Thanks a lot for the reminder, Eckhart…

Write a Love Note to Yourself

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Ok, I know this may sound weird, especially around Valentine’s Day when we’ve been taught to buy flowers, candy and cards for the important folks in our lives. This holiday do something different. Write a love note to yourself.

Yes, be sure to let others know how important they are to you on Valentine’s Day and every day, for that matter. Just don’t stop there.

Too often we look for validation from others before we can accept what we like or admire about ourselves. I hope you have very loving and supportive people in your life. You need to be on your support team.

If you’re like most people, you’re quick to reprimand yourself and constantly remember every little mistake while you hyper focus on what you don’t like about yourself. Self-reflection is healthy, repeatedly beating yourself up is not.

Do this. Get a beautiful card with an image that resonates with you and take the time to write yourself a note. A handwritten note. Yes, I know this takes longer but spending time on this exercise enhances the benefit. Trust me.

I’ll give you some content suggestions and then we’ll discuss your next step.

The note to you could be:

· A list of ten things you admire about yourself. Think of personality traits, acts of kindness and causes you believe in. Yes, you can mention your beautiful eyes, but think about what’s in your heart. What do you like about the type of person you are?
· A note congratulating yourself on how far you’ve come and what you’ve learned from your  challenges. Celebrate your successes here!
· A note to your younger self giving the advice you wish you’d have known 20 years ago. Think big picture and concentrate on what’s surprised you and gone better than you expected.

Carve out some time when you can be undisturbed. Decide on the type of note you’ll write. Get your card, sit down, shut your eyes, take a couple deep breaths and connect to your heart. Write what you feel from a place of healthy self-love.

Now for the fun part! When you’re satisfied with your letter, close and seal it. Put your name on the front. Next, choose one of the ideas below and take the action:

· Put the sealed letter in an area of the house you won’t see for a while. Perhaps with the old photo albums you never see until the family reunion July 4th weekend. You could put it on top of your Christmas decoration box.
· Address the envelope to yourself, stamp it and give it to a friend. Ask them to mail it to you whenever it feels right for them to do so.
· Put the sealed envelope in a dresser drawer and add this note to the front: “open New Year’s Day.” Or pick another day that has significance for you.

Think of this as a scared gift from your soul.

When the note shows up in your life, read and enjoy!

I’ve done this myself with magical results. I wrote my note and months later, the envelope arrived at exactly the time I needed encouragement. It was amazing! I had completely forgotten what I’d written and the message was perfect for what I was going through at the time. The Universe delivered the message I most needed through my own words. Incredible.

I know you have lots to do. But do this. Love yourself enough to take a few minutes and reflect on what you love about yourself. Celebrate your success. Embrace the beautiful unique spark of God you are.

Now go find that card….

Fell Off My Unicorn Again…Hate When That Happens

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I have friends who are supportive of my work, but worry I’m “a bit out of touch” with reality. Too “woo woo”. Even naïve. They think I’m “riding unicorns over rainbows” and I need to get my head out of the clouds.

I respect their opinion, but I don’t agree.

I have found that exploring my own spiritual path and teaching about it does come with some special challenges.

It’s not easy facing life’s twists and turns. That’s when I fall off my unicorn, but I’ve learned to get up when life knocks me down, brush myself off and saddle up again. Sometimes it’ll take longer than others to get up. Sometimes I’m down a looooong time. But I get up. Eventually.

Let’s be clear on one thing. I don’t like falling off my unicorn.

Annoying, frustrating and scary things happen. And I still choose to trust everything is happening for the highest and best of all.

During these times is when I remember:

· I believe that God/Universe/Source/Creator is the eternal, intelligent, creative energy of love.
· I choose to see God in everyone and in every situation, whether I understand it or not.
· I believe that all human beings are created from the same Divine energy of love, which makes us “all one.”
· All creatures are from the same Divine source. (Even spiders and snakes.)
· No individual is greater than, or less than, any other.
· The Universe is always working for the highest and best of all.
· Our goal is to recognize the Divine within and live from that space in human form, as best we can.
· Love transforms the energy of fear and is more powerful than hate.

What if every person, place and situation in our lives gave us the opportunity to choose how we’ll be in the world? That doesn’t mean it’s an easy choice. It’s heartbreaking to see a loved one suffer with a terminal disease, watch a family deal with the loss of a child or see the effects of long term physical pain.

Believing that good can come from even the most horrific situation doesn’t mean I ignore the human suffering that it causes. I do believe the way to help others, and myself, is to look at life through the eyes of love to find helpful actions.

“What does love look like here? Love for myself and love for others?” is the inquiry I use when a challenge arises. And most importantly I ask, “How does love move me forward?”

Using love as a filter does not mean you deny that the pain or suffering exists. It simply gives you direction on how to proceed.

While I haven’t always reacted with love, that’s my intention now. I’m not even sure what that means in all situations. I just do my best and keep going forward.

I invariably get stuck. And I start over by asking, “What does love look like here? How does love move me forward?”

Maybe that does make me seem naïve. I’m OK with that.

Time to get back on my unicorn….

Top Five Things I Learned from the “Zombie Snow Apocalypse 2016”

Last week here on the U.S. East Coast, over 70 million people panicked as a “massive snow storm of historic proportions” was predicted for nearly a week before the first flake fell last Friday. We were told to prepare to lose power and to be stuck in place for up to a week. We panicked, right on cue.

I went to the grocery store, mid-day mind you, a full 48 hours prior to the weather event and witnessed people running around in horror like an army of the undead was circling the town preparing to feast on the chubby village folk. The food shelves were sparse, but I managed to get my essentials and returned to my car unscathed after waiting in the check-out line for nearly 30 minutes. While weathercasters dubbed the storm “Jonas,” it will always be the Zombie Snow Apocalypse of 2016 to me.

The weather guys got it right this time. The storm was a beast. In my area, about 50 miles southwest of Washington, DC, snow fell for nearly 36 hours straight dumping 30” around us. We typically don’t get that much snow in a year, much less at one time. To make matters worse, fierce winds between 35 – 50 miles an hour raged in the overnight hours sweeping the soft dry snow into massive drifts that trapped some people inside their home for days.

It was an interesting weekend. We never lost power so we could watch the storm from the perspective of our home as well as see news reports and the social media accounts of our friends. Everything was closed as government officials warned the public to stay put so roads could safely be cleared. Since I drive a Prius and my husband has a Mini-Cooper, we’re not on the roads much in the snow. Staying put was not a problem.

Now that the snow has passed, I thought I’d share the Top Five Things I Learned from the Zombie Snow Apocalypse 2016:   
 
1) Most people want to be of service. Over and over again, I saw people going above and beyond to dig out neighbors, walk through high snow drifts to rescue animals and offer help to strangers. To me, this is “love in action.”   

2) People need to feel “connected” to others. It was heartwarming to see how many people were checking on each other, posting snow photos and creating funny videos to share during the storm. Besides the occasional, “Do you SEE how hard it’s snowing out there?” my husband kept uttering, “OMG! Did you see this on Facebook?” I had texts and messages from friends in other parts of the world checking to see if we were safe and had power. Prayers and love were being sent to everyone enduring “Jonas.” Especially to the snow removal crews, police and emergency workers who were battling the elements. It’s true. “We are all one,” especially in emergencies.

3) Communication is key, and humor helps! No matter how much you adore another person, being snowbound together, and not knowing for how long, can be a challenge. Sprinkle in some fear (did you see those roofs collapse on TV?) and consume lots of bad-for-you-no-good sugary foods (everyone knows boredom + stress = sugar cravings) and the result can be frazzled nerves. After many years of marriage, my husband and I were both aware of potential pitfalls and were honest with our feelings. We communicated what we needed from each other. Being honest made the event fun instead of frustrating. And we felt free to be playful, even goofy. Here’s a goofy example: my husband shoved a plastic white shark toy into the snow and staged “snow shark” photos including one with his fuzzy bear hat attacking the shark, all for the amusement of his Facebook friends. Goofy and fun can definitely help pass the time during a snow storm.

4) People think they’re “funny” sending warm weather wishes. Oh, I’m not communicating clearly. This is what I mean to say: Hey, so happy you’re in sunny Hawaii, the Caribbean, Florida or freakin’ Australia enjoying beautiful sunshine and warm beaches. The first 100 photos you sent were cool, you know, the ones with the captions “wish you were here” but enough already. Yes, we’re posting lots of snow pictures and writing blogs, but this was an historic storm that even shut down Washington, DC for days. And to those who keep posting “I’m so jealous of the snow” from their beach chairs…no, no you’re not. We all know you’re not.

5) Parents of school aged children are the most fun to follow on social media. Our kids are grown so it was fun to watch posts start out from young parents saying things like “Can’t wait to build a snowman with our adorable crew.” A couple days in, messages became, “Kids are getting restless, but we’re having a wonderful adventure.” By day four I saw posts like, “FOR GOD’S SAKE SEND A DOG SLED LOADED WITH WINE!! I CAN’T TAKE THIS MUCH LONGER!”

Those precious parents are soooo cute. They’ll learn. Like we all have. No matter how bad the ice storm, or how deep the snow…spring is on the way.

All we have to do is hold on.

"Spiritual Crap"

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I’ve spent years deepening my spiritual practice through prayer, meditation, classes, retreats and self-exploration. I feel blessed to be on this path and I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that my life’s purpose is to help others discover the joy of spiritual connection.

Did that resonate with you? Or did you just think, “blah, blah, blah…it’s that spiritual crap again!”

I know, I know. Sometimes this “spiritual crap” doesn’t seem realistic. Someone told me once, “I want to be more spiritual, I want to know the Divine within, but how does that pay the bills? I hate my job and my spouse is a jerk. Tell God to take care of that stuff and I’ll have time to be more spiritual.”

Yep, I get that a lot.

The point of developing a life that’s connected to Divine spirit isn’t so much about what you get, but what you give. It’s in the giving that we receive.

Don’t shoot the messenger. I didn’t come up with this plan.

I’ve just seen it quietly at work in my own life and in the lives of my family and coaching clients. And it’s more awesome than you can imagine. It’s where the magic of life happens.

Here’s an example:

A woman gave a $200 donation to a tsunami relief fund to help a devastated community thousands of miles away. It was a huge amount to her and wasn’t in her budget, but she gave from an open and loving heart. Over the next few days, she prayed for those affected and imagined her money bringing clean water and fresh food to hungry children.

A week later, she was gifted a lottery ticket and won $2,000.

Whaaat????

Yeah, it can happen like that. And sometimes it doesn’t.

Sometimes you do something from a place of love and it feels like you got shoved into the dirt. Get up. Brush yourself off and stay connected to love. Real love, not the manipulative “I’m doing this because it helps me” kind of love.

Keep living from love, doing your best to be connected to spirit so it flows through all you do and say. Not because of what you’ll get, but because you want to be an instrument for Divine love in this world. That’s the goal of a spiritual life.

When you stay on that loving path, miracles start to find you. Your life becomes magical.

Just ask my sister.

After many years of struggle, her life is now filled with joy. She’s happier than I’ve ever seen her. She’s the one in the family who’s “always there” for any of us in a crisis…or any other time, for that matter.

In our family, she’s always the first:

- to meet you at the hospital emergency room and stay to drive you home
- help with the computer problem
- answer that weird tax question that everyone understands but you
- to answer the phone when you’re having a bad day and need to vent
- take a drive with you to clear your head
- come to every birthday, anniversary, holiday or “just because” family function, no matter where it is, or how much it costs to participate
- cheer on your every success, no matter how big or small
- encourage you in every way…especially when situations look impossible
- say “love you” at the end of text or phone conversations

She’s THAT one. The one everyone leans on, whether you need a shoulder to cry on or want someone to laugh at your stupid joke. Every generation in our family counts on her.

Her love and support is genuine and without expectations.

Is she spiritual? Yes, in every aspect of the word. She lives by allowing Divine love to flow through her actions and into the world. Has it always been easy? No. Like all of us, she’s had traumas, dramas and pain in her life. She makes mistakes. She chooses to live from love anyway.

What a joy to see what’s happened for her in this last year. She’s met the man of her dreams. Her prince. And she’s his princess. Spend time with them and hear their giggles, see the wide smiles and watch their eyes sparkle as they plan their future together which, of course, includes both families.

It’s like she hit the lottery. But not the one that pays money. It’s much more than that.

By connecting to her Divine spirit and living a life of loving service to others in the best way she knows how, she’s experiencing an abundant life. It’s filled with love, romance, security, fun, adventure....and magic.

I just love how this “spiritual crap” works.