The Secret to Life is in the Asking

What Does Love Look Like Here and How Does Love Move Me Forward?

           Life can be hard. We all deal with harsh situations like the pain of loneliness, a broken heart, deep grief, losing a job or serious health concerns.

           I’ve learned difficult life lessons over the years and remembering to ask myself a key question has been the secret to my sanity. Remembering to ask “What does Love look like here and how does Love move me forward?” has been one of my most challenging lessons. It’s certainly the most rewarding.

While I’ve actively used this query for many years, it took me being an observer to really understand the meaning of this practice.  I got to see firsthand what love looked like when my friend Jim passed away at home after a long illness. It was life changing.

           When she knew Jim’s time was short, his wife Linda asked me to come by the house. It was here I witnessed a pivotal lesson about what love looked like at work in the world. I arrived at their house and was greeted by the family, their faces red from crying. I went into the back room to see Jim lying in a hospital bed, surrounded by equipment. He was weak with labored breathing, but a dim light still shone from his eyes.

           I can tell you what love looked like that Wednesday afternoon at Linda and Jim’s house. I saw love in tear stained cheeks, in colorful posters made by the grandchildren, in the gentle stroking of Jim’s skin and in loving hands administering Reiki. I saw love in the fussing with the bed sheets, in the loving gestures toward Jim and each other, in the position of the bed so he could see the emerald green lawn and softly swaying trees in the back yard. I saw love in the medications and the essential oils, in the whispered “I love yous” and in Jim’s determination to hold on a little while longer. I saw love as patient, kind and resolved.

           As the grandchildren arrived from school, I witnessed love move the situation forward.

           We all gathered around Jim’s bed, gazing at his face, hands on him and each other. I heard his daughter whisper in his ear. “We’re here Dad. We love you, Dad. We’re all one. We’ll always be together.” Love moved forward with dignity, grace, respect, strength and surrender. And relief for physical suffering that would soon be over. Love moved with deep gratitude and appreciation to our Creator for a shared life and unique journey.

           Jim’s breathing became faint and we watched as he peacefully slipped from this world to the next, surrounded and supported by love. It was a beautiful experience. What a privilege to have seen love in action with this amazing family.

           This experience was profound. It brought home to me the value of recognizing what true, unconditional love for oneself and others looks like in any given situation. Love for yourself is not long-suffering sacrifice which always breeds resentment; it’s not always having to get your way or even putting yourself first.  Love asks us to recognize the Divine Spark within and treat it with the same respect that’s given to others.

           “What does Love look like here and how does Love move me forward?” I’m embarrassed to admit that I know how resentment, anger and jealousy move me forward. I’ve been shoved, prodded and pushed by those emotions many times and always with disastrous results. But how exactly does Love move you forward?

           While your head will never know the answer to that question, your heart already does. Go inside, into the quiet wisdom of your own heart, and ask. Listen. While I don’t know what your answer will be, I know it comes accompanied by a feeling of peace. And freedom.

           Following Love’s guidance from the heart allowed Jim and his family to gracefully move through one of life’s greatest challenges. Love will guide you as well in any situation big or small.

           You just have to ask.

Pivot

Did you ever have those times when nothing seemed to go as planned? That’s what’s happened for me the past few days…

Last week, my friend and I were scheduled to record a few episodes of a podcast, but Life had other plans. I used the same recording program I’d just used to successfully record a couple weeks ago but this time, nothing worked. Nothing. Zero. Zilch. Nada.

I mean NOTHING. First, only half our conversation would record. Then I attempted to call and – while she was seated, waiting for my call – her phone failed to ring. I sent a connection link to her that never arrived. This happened over, and over again for more than an hour before we both agreed to walk away from the project for the moment. Time to pivot. We rescheduled.

I decided to record a meditation and struggled FOR HOURS this weekend to get everything to work. I’m still trying! I worked for a while, became frustrated and realized I needed to walk away. I learned long ago that when a project isn’t flowing, take a break. Pivot.

Outside events seemed to intervene on my plans as well. My husband was working all day Sunday, so I planned to get a fresh start on my meditation project before I left to attend a friend’s birthday party late in the afternoon. I was set! My perfect plan began…until I spoke to my adult son who’d been sick and needed to go to a doctor. He was too sick to drive and feared that what he thought was a case of food poisoning, was really a serious strain of flu. Off to an urgent care office we went and as I waited in the lobby, I texted my friend that I wouldn’t be able to make the party. Pivot again.

So what the heck was happening? Was it some weird energy, ancient curse or the dreaded effects of Mercury Retrograde? I don’t know about any of that, but I do know a couple things. While we all must make plans in life, we also need to understand when to be flexible (pivot) and when to choose another course. I’m not suggesting you totally give up. I suggest you connect to your own inner wisdom and ask for guidance:

• Show me what I’m not seeing here.
• Help me understand how to shift my thinking to execute this in the highest and best way for all, or the wisdom to know it’s time to abandon this project.
• Show me the lessons I can learn from this.
• Help me trust the process.
• Show me how to be the presence of love in this situation and allow Love to guide my thoughts and actions.

Every morning for months, I’ve had the same prayer before I get out of bed.

“Show me how to be love today.”

When battling frustration, I sure didn’t feel I was being love, but I do know I was able to recognize when to pivot, much quicker than I did in the past.

And I’ve decided to trust it’s all part of my path to love.

The Surrender Rock

I often know exactly how to approach an issue. What coaching technique to use, which book to read, who to call for advice or the perfect website that holds all my answers. And sometimes I don’t. I don’t have a clue. Not even a little one. That’s when I use my “Surrender Rock.”

On my desk is a river rock that I selected and on top I carefully wrote “This I Surrender to God.” When I simply can’t see a solution to an issue, or at least one I want to consider, I note my issue or concern on an index card, fold it in half and place it under my rock. It’s sort of my mailing system to God. Yes, I certainly pray about (and for) the people I love, world issues and other problems but sometimes I’ve learned I have to move aside and allow God the space to take care of the issue.

Sometimes I’m working too hard on a solution, and I find the answers aren’t coming easily. There’s no flow. The energy is stuck. Usually, it’s MY energy that’s stuck as I continue to push ahead, demanding an answer, an answer that I agree with, to appear. Often I think I’m just blocking the Divine Plan and I need to get out of the way. I need to hand the issue over to God and let Him take care it. When I do, miracles happen. I had a little miracle just this week in fact.

I’ve been working to upgrade my website and use my social media platforms more effectively. Over the weekend, I was frantically trying to understand a graphics marketing program that I’ve been told is very simple. Evidently, it’s simple for everybody but me. 

While I was exploring the program, I was overwhelmed with everything on my “to do” list. Thanksgiving is at our house this year; my nephew is getting married two days later and 24 hours after that, I leave for a two week business trip to London. All great events, but the added stress was getting to me. In desperation I muttered, “God, you gotta take care of this. I’ll learn how to do this after the first of the year, but until then I’m giving this one to you.” Under the rock my problem went. And I forgot about it. 

Within 24 hours, I got an email from a client saying she was playing around with this same graphics program and wondered if she could create some content for me – for free – so she could build a portfolio. “Why YES YOU CAN,” I thought as I looked at my Surrender Rock.

Not all my issues are handled as quickly as this one. And sometimes I never find out how the issue or problem evolved or if it got “solved” as I’d expected. When I surrender the problem to God and get out of His way; I trust the Divine is working behind the scenes in ways I could never orchestrate, and miracles happen. I like miracles.

Do you have any problems or issues that could use a Divine touch? Find yourself a rock.