The Secret to Life is in the Asking

What Does Love Look Like Here and How Does Love Move Me Forward?

           Life can be hard. We all deal with harsh situations like the pain of loneliness, a broken heart, deep grief, losing a job or serious health concerns.

           I’ve learned difficult life lessons over the years and remembering to ask myself a key question has been the secret to my sanity. Remembering to ask “What does Love look like here and how does Love move me forward?” has been one of my most challenging lessons. It’s certainly the most rewarding.

While I’ve actively used this query for many years, it took me being an observer to really understand the meaning of this practice.  I got to see firsthand what love looked like when my friend Jim passed away at home after a long illness. It was life changing.

           When she knew Jim’s time was short, his wife Linda asked me to come by the house. It was here I witnessed a pivotal lesson about what love looked like at work in the world. I arrived at their house and was greeted by the family, their faces red from crying. I went into the back room to see Jim lying in a hospital bed, surrounded by equipment. He was weak with labored breathing, but a dim light still shone from his eyes.

           I can tell you what love looked like that Wednesday afternoon at Linda and Jim’s house. I saw love in tear stained cheeks, in colorful posters made by the grandchildren, in the gentle stroking of Jim’s skin and in loving hands administering Reiki. I saw love in the fussing with the bed sheets, in the loving gestures toward Jim and each other, in the position of the bed so he could see the emerald green lawn and softly swaying trees in the back yard. I saw love in the medications and the essential oils, in the whispered “I love yous” and in Jim’s determination to hold on a little while longer. I saw love as patient, kind and resolved.

           As the grandchildren arrived from school, I witnessed love move the situation forward.

           We all gathered around Jim’s bed, gazing at his face, hands on him and each other. I heard his daughter whisper in his ear. “We’re here Dad. We love you, Dad. We’re all one. We’ll always be together.” Love moved forward with dignity, grace, respect, strength and surrender. And relief for physical suffering that would soon be over. Love moved with deep gratitude and appreciation to our Creator for a shared life and unique journey.

           Jim’s breathing became faint and we watched as he peacefully slipped from this world to the next, surrounded and supported by love. It was a beautiful experience. What a privilege to have seen love in action with this amazing family.

           This experience was profound. It brought home to me the value of recognizing what true, unconditional love for oneself and others looks like in any given situation. Love for yourself is not long-suffering sacrifice which always breeds resentment; it’s not always having to get your way or even putting yourself first.  Love asks us to recognize the Divine Spark within and treat it with the same respect that’s given to others.

           “What does Love look like here and how does Love move me forward?” I’m embarrassed to admit that I know how resentment, anger and jealousy move me forward. I’ve been shoved, prodded and pushed by those emotions many times and always with disastrous results. But how exactly does Love move you forward?

           While your head will never know the answer to that question, your heart already does. Go inside, into the quiet wisdom of your own heart, and ask. Listen. While I don’t know what your answer will be, I know it comes accompanied by a feeling of peace. And freedom.

           Following Love’s guidance from the heart allowed Jim and his family to gracefully move through one of life’s greatest challenges. Love will guide you as well in any situation big or small.

           You just have to ask.

The Power of Your Thoughts

This is it. The key to a happier, more fulfilled life. 

YOU hold the power to change your experience in every aspect of your life by changing the way you think about it.

YOU ARE IN CONTROL. Not your jerk boss, cranky kid or some politician in D.C.

YOU.

Controlling your thoughts doesn’t mean you escape life challenges; it means you are equipped to move through them with more grace and ease. Let me explain.

Recently, an accident occurred that injured a family member. When I first heard the news, I was scared, and my mind went to the worst possible scenario as I waited for the details to slowly emerge. I made an important discovery in the following days:

While we can’t change the trauma, succumbing to drama is optional.

I realized my fearful thoughts did not change the facts or the outcome. Although many saw my fear as “justified,” “natural” and even encouraged legal retribution, none of that helped me feel better or allowed me to lovingly support other family members. 

For me, only one thing helped.

I went back to the Be Love Principles and asked the divine within:

• How can I greet everyone involved with an open heart, without an agenda?

• Show me the divine essence in this situation.

• Teach me how to forgive everyone involved quickly, completely and unconditionally.

• Remind me that everyone is part of the light of All.

I did my best, minute by minute, to be the presence of love and stay in that space as we moved through the situation. I did it for me and my family. It wasn’t easy and, at times, I failed to stay centered in love. It happened whenever I fell back into fear, anger and overwhelm. Once I became aware of those thoughts, I went back to love as quickly as I could. Full disclosure, I wasn’t the most popular with some people who didn’t understand my perspective. They thought I was “naive,” “nuts” or in denial. 

But I remembered the truth. I am responsible for my thoughts and how I react to life. 

Here’s an important point: I allowed myself to feel my feelings as they came up. Feelings that are ignored simply go underground then resurface later. I’ve learned that too! The difference here is that I felt my feelings then consciously decided how I would think about them. I could continue to fuel the fear, or I could choose to be the presence of love, as much as I could, throughout the challenge.

I’m grateful to add our situation has had a much better outcome than I first feared. All is well. And I understand that while Life wil certainly present more tough days in the future, my thoughts will dictate my experience of both life’s joys and sorrows. 

I choose to experience both with love.

P.S. Check out this episode of “Heart-Centered Success with Diane L Haworth” on “The Power of Your Thoughts”  for deeper insights on the topic and for more on the Be Love Principles, visit www.BeLovePrinciples.org. 

“Who am I?” The answer revealed!

“Who am I?” is a question that comes to my mind often whenever I think about developing a new business service, want to write a blog or even just spread my wings a bit.

I really do wonder.

Who am I to think someone’s interested in what I have to say? Who am I to stand up and teach anything to anybody? Who am I to write a book? Who am I to offer life advice when I don’t have my own life totally together?

My girlfriend and I met for lunch this week and in the midst of telling me about an exciting new venture she’s undertaking, her fear snuck in. She stopped talking for a minute. She shook her head gently side to side and looked straight into my eyes.

“Who do I think I am I to do this?” she said.

“There’s only one response to the question “Who am I?” I said meeting her eyes. “You are a Divine child of God. A child of God can do anything.”

The words just rolled off my tongue.

I have every confidence in my beautiful friend. She’s brilliant, has a huge capacity to see the truth in any situation and most of all, she’s a living example of someone who chooses to live a life of love. Of course she’s not perfect, but she is an inspiration to me and an example of the embodiment of love.

I absolutely believe what I said. Although the words came out of my mouth, they didn’t come from me. The words came through me.

The only true response to the question “Who am I?” is “a Divine child of God.” I know it’s true for my friend.

Now I just have to allow myself to believe it’s true of me too.

Nothing Is As It Appears

Have you ever heard the phrase “nothing is as it appears?” It reminds us that we only “see” through our own mental filters. We bring our opinions, learning and past experiences to everything we see, hear and think which colors our perspective.

When we were kids, my family traveled from our Virginia home to visit relatives in the mid-west. I remember we stopped in Michigan one year and my dad decided to treat us to a “nice” dinner. After a recommendation from the hotel staff, we were off. Dad negotiated the station wagon up and down the crowded city streets until we came to what appeared to be a run-down warehouse. A single metal door marked with the name of the restaurant was visible under a lone street light. The building had no windows, no decoration, no curb appeal. It was scary.

“This can’t be it,” my mom said. “It’s the right address,” Dad countered. “The guy said it looked rough, but for us to go in anyway.”

We entered through the stark doorway, through a small hall and into a dazzling dining room sparkling with beautiful tables, giant floral displays, elegant chandeliers and smartly dressed staff. “WOW,” I remember thinking. This wasn’t the Waldorf Astoria, but the restaurant was completely different than it appeared from the outside. This episode helped me understand the adage, “You can’t judge a book by its cover.” Great advice for us all, don’t you think?

I got an even deeper understanding of this principle just this past weekend. My husband’s oldest sister, Joann, passed away on New Year’s Eve after a short but aggressive bout with cancer. In the ten years since Joe and I’ve been married, I’d only spent time with Joann twice, and spoken to her on the phone a few times more. She lived eight hours south and we’d both been dealing with sick family members for several years. We were going to visit soon. They were coming up to see us soon. It never happened. And now we were heading to Charleston, South Carolina to put Joann to rest and be with her grieving husband, children and grandchildren.

Based on the time I’d spent with Joann and the stories I’d heard from Joe and other family still in Virginia, I was confident I knew all about her. I was wrong. As many of us do, I’d forgotten she’d continued to grow and change over the years as I had. It hadn’t occurred to me she was more than the wife, mother and school teacher I had spent time with. My memories of Joann held her tight in a specific box in my mind, complete with a few descriptive phrases I remembered when I thought of her. My little box proved woefully inadequate to describe the woman she was in this life. Where had I gone wrong?

I had neglected to see the beautiful Divine spirit that she truly was. I felt this spirit embrace us all as we gathered at the funeral home on Sunday to bid farewell. I saw it in the stunning portrait of Joann that had been painted only days before by her brother-in-law. Her spirit was there in the fragrance of the vibrant flowers as their scent wafted through the room. It was her spirit that shined through the eyes of her beautiful grandchildren, when I saw them laugh and cry.

As I sat through the service, I heard the pain in her son’s eulogy and I knew his great pain came from the great love he had for his mother. Her spirit was there again in the striking poem read by her adult granddaughter and the tearful words of her ten year old grandson. I began to understand the woman she was when, after the service, I saw two young men come to pay their respects to the family.

These two had been best friends since sixth grade when they were in Joann’s Language Arts class. She had truly inspired them and since that time, they had gotten “A’s” in every English class they took. They were now college seniors. Amazing. Two young men – at the end of a holiday weekend – took the time to let her family know how Joann had changed their lives all those years ago.

Back at the house, her husband David reminded me that he and Joann had gone back to college in their late 40’s to get teaching degrees. Joann had been a high school drop out as a kid. In her 20’s she was a mom to five children, then added several step children. Many years later, she got her GED and graduated from college when many people would think it was too late to reinvent themselves. But Joann did.

David also told me Joann had first worked as a teacher in a very poor, rural area of South Carolina where many children were raised by their grandparents. Many of the adults in the area were illiterate. At the first parent-teacher night that first year, Joann was shocked when only two parents in the entire school showed up. So she concocted a plan. She and David went to local grocery stores and got donations, then purchased supplies for a cookout and, on their own, threw a party at school inviting the kids, parents and grandparents. David smiled as he remembered nearly 150 people showed up for the cookout.

“Joann knew the adults were intimidated by the school, but she also knew everyone shows up for free food!” he remembered as his eyes sparkled with the memory. Brilliant. She figured out a way to meet the families and got them involved in school life.

Incredible. And I never knew. I never knew the spirit of this woman who was determined to help children in need and found a way to do just that.

Was Joann a saint? Not at all, as was apparent from the hilarious stories told around the table after the service. I bet you’re not either. I know I’m not.

I am thankful to have been a part of the family gathering to celebrate the life of this special lady. And I’m grateful to be reminded that nothing, and no one, is as they appear from our limited thinking.